Gay Friends in my Garden

Friends

I do not tend to be a fan of those little plaques and signs often seen around peoples’ homes with corny, trite sayings. I like art and photos and rarely do I keep or display adages surrounded by birds and benches. But, I do have one that my dear friend Sue gave me years ago. It says “Friends are like the flowers in my garden—each one is lovely, each one is different, and all bring pleasure to my heart.” Your editor, Laura Grotz, choose “gardening” as this months’ topic. How suitable then is this saying?
The garden of my life is filled with variety and I am grateful. Friends. . . . the root of friend is an Old English word “freon” which literally means “to love”. Isn’t that a challenging standard? There are many people that I love and respect. I have numerous friends and no one of them can satisfy me fully, that is the way God intended it. He selfishly wants that honor. I do, however, credit each one of them for their strengths. When I want comfort and encouragement, it is Sue I am drawn to. For healing discussions, I go to Marlene. Deep theology and medical advice-Robin, outdoor activities-Netto, spiritual direction-Sandy and Louise, strategy-Bob and Norma, money advice and politics-Sidney, art and cooking-Julia, living on the edge, risk and fun-Bill, social topics and legal matters-Myra, a business venture-Dana, absurdities-Jeff, books-Carol and Sandy, focus-Deb, eclectic matters-Chris, gay matters-Denise, everyday-my Mom and finally, everything-God. This is a corner of my garden. I need all these people to live my life to its fullest. The diversity represented here is what I see in nature. To limit myself to people that are just like me would make me less of what I am.
This past weekend I had a group of gay friends from California staying with me for a ski outing. What began as three people interested expanded to nine quickly in the on-line community to which I belong. There was no focus on sexual orientation, they are just my friends. How I long to be an “orientation agnostic”, orientation neutral, someone who doesn’t even notice if someone is gay or straight. My friends and I had a wonderful experience over the three days. It began with snowshoeing up at the Meadows, then a group dinner at my house, a day at Rose, followed by Virginia City and Gold Hill, another group dinner at home and a goodbye breakfast. The last activity was church. Four of my friends joined me at my regular Sunday service. I attend a church that can be described with many adjectives: evangelical Christian, prophetic, social justice minded, conservative and, to my gay friends, it would also be known as non-open and non-affirming. Classically this would mean not gay-friendly. I knew however that the pastor and congregation I have aligned myself with for almost twenty years would be welcoming to my visitors. And they were. This is why I have been in this congregation for two decades. I believe this group and this pastor reflect the heart of Jesus. I could not be in the midst of unkind people, I want to be with Jesus-followers and they are.
I cannot even count the times that I am labeled a “Pollyanna”. I want things kind, loving, merciful and good. No one would dare ask me when I walk in the doors of a church about (fill in your struggle of choice here). Why should I presume the right to place that burden on my gay friends as they walk in the doors of God’s house? So there I was in my congregation this past Sunday morning with Kennan who has the kindest heart and is wonderfully playful and witty, Brad who is so musically talented and amazingly funny and bright, Mark Andrew is who is gentle, cautious and sweet and Spencer who is still so young, hopeful and quiet. They stood alongside me in my congregation worshipping the same God with depth and authenticity. I could not have been more pleased with my church friends that they were so welcoming. Bridges of understanding were added to that day. Friends from one part of my garden in a lovely bouquet with friends from another part of my garden. God enjoyed the aroma I am sure.
Nature displays the glory of God in the many expressions we can see. He does it in the natural environment and He does it with the differences of the people He creates. So, in the list of my friends that contribute to the beauty of my life there are men and women, straights and gays and various ethnic backgrounds represented. I don’t want to hang with people who are my copies; how dull would that be? I do want to start more blending the flowers together in a beautiful bouquet. Recently over lunch, I had a discussion with my friend Denise who is the pastor of Light of the Soul, an open and affirming Christian church. We explored a goal of beginning forums for discussions. Discussions between the straight and gay church and the church and gay community. People make assumptions, hold fears, and believe lies. We want to gather divergent people together to talk, to ask questions openly, to do cross-pollinating relationships.
There are millions of varieties of flowers, really, there are. I want my garden of friends to reflect all that is possible, all the relational assets I enjoy. My friends . . . “each one is lovely, each one is different, and all bring pleasure to my heart”. My life would be far less colorful without my cherished gay and lesbian friends. I honor those people in my life; they are too numerous to list. Thank you to each of you who have surrounded me with the beauty of who God made you to be. I value you and appreciate the fragrant aroma of my life because of what you contribute to it.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
March 10, 2008