The Trail of Understanding

THE TRAIL TO UNDERSTANDING

With a screen name like “canyonwalker”, it would seem logical that I like to hike. And, that I do. In fact, I do it essentially every day. I used to go to the gym most days but the monotony of spin class at 5:30 am could never compete with the beauty of God’s creation any time of day, any day of the year. We each have limited discretionary time and I choose to spend it in the out-of-doors. It never matters to me that I walk the same trails most days; it is a fluid experience in a familiar spot. What friend of mine has not heard, “Listen to what God told me on the path today?” Some of my best directives have come from that foot-on-dirt experience; the familiar is never the same. The larger part of trail walking that I completely enjoy is humanity; I have met such variety on the trail. Last week, I walked for two hours with a young doctoral student visiting from Holland. I have met a man that went to my small high school in New Jersey (a town of 13,000) and the same college and now lives nearby. I was amazed by a 74 year old retired college music professor one afternoon that could outdistance many 30 year olds. I walk with old friends, new ones and soon-to-be ones.

However, the single most important human relationship I have made on this daily hiking dedication is with a woman named Netto. I decided this month to let our friendship and the bigger message of it be the focus of my writing. It was on one of my daily walks in 2001 that Netto and I started walking and talking. My Brittany at the time, Puck, was quite a wandering dog. People saw him; people saw me and sometimes we two crossed paths. He did not hike with me. I spent my time thinking a lot in those days. I was in a bad place relationally and used the time to de-tox and relax. Puck and I exited the car together; I knew where he was and we ended at the same time at the car. On one of our rare same time/same place crossings, Netto commented that she wondered who it was that owned that free running canine. Me. She had owned a Brittany, understood and we got to talking, then walking, then planning to meet each other to hike. Within a short time, it was almost every weekend and now, Netto (a lesbian, and I only mention this here because it later becomes important) is one of my dearest life friends and someone with which I spend a great deal of time.

I believe life is filled with gems and chances and sometimes we are cognizant enough to see it and appreciate it and, unfortunately, sometimes we never even get a glimpse of the import and seize it. Literally, coming across Netto’s path has been one of my life-gifts. I think I am quite typical in many of my behaviors. I group together with the birds of my feather, and not. I hang with people that share my interests, and not. I pretty much had mostly straight friends and now, not. It was Netto that ushered me into circles that were not my norm. Oh my goodness . . . . in those early years of relationship, did I ask all my dumb questions! Never being offended, nor secretive, Netto answered. I can still remember absolutely, vividly, where we were on a trail when she told me she was going to a lesbian outdoors gathering where she felt “safe”. “Safe?” I wondered, I always felt safe. She said that society let her know she was the “lowest of the low” being a woman, a Native American and a lesbian. By then, Netto and I were devote friends and it actually physically hurt me that my friend would be viewed and treated that way.

I am convinced that that was the day God flipped a switch in me of compassion towards the gay community. I have some basic beliefs that do not sit comfortably with some of my Christian siblings. My God cares greatly about the injustices spewed at your community and He lights fires under His people that He knows have the mind, heart, spirit and potential to change views. There are days I have hateful words thrown at me, people that question my Christianity itself, my ethics, my gender orientation, my intellect, all because I do what I think it is that Jesus would do: stand up for those who have injustice hurled at them.

I get asked “why?” very often, why I bother with an issue that doesn’t matter to me and I must go back to that day on the trail with Netto. It is interesting that the work I do was essentially forged in a single relationship. Martin Luther King said, “People fear other because they don’t know each other. They don’t know each other because they have not properly communicated with each other.” If, just if, just suppose, just imagine, just idealize, if we actually tried to befriend one another. Tried to know each other, spend time with each other, cared and carried the burdens of one another. Wouldn’t we then be able to love one another, not demonize one another? Understand each other?
I know in the years that Netto and I h
ave spend hiking and talking for hours, we have a model friendship of two divergent types that are often at enmity with one another. I am straight, she is lesbian. (I have even learned to say while hiking, “should we go gaily forward?” at a fork in the road, rather than “should we go straight?”) I am a devote Christian; Netto calls herself an atheist. I am white; she is a woman of color. We have both been open to getting beyond the stereotypes and have invited one another into each others’ lives. It is through Netto that I have developed wonderful relationships with many, many lesbians, relationships where would have been cut out because of reverse discrimination being a straight, evangelical Christian. Netto has made it possible for me to be included in activities and relationships not otherwise possible. And I have included her in my circles and family. Gosh, even our mothers are now friends. When my Mom comes to town, there will always be an evening with dear Isabel for some food from her pueblo.

This summer, Netto and I have undertaken the fun and challenging goal of hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail. She spends the night at my house and we hit the 13 to 20 mile sections by dawn. Even after all the years and miles, we can actually talk most of the 6 to 10 hours we hike. We have so much comfort and trust we have built over the miles and over the years and nothing is out of bounds. We recently went to China together and I can’t imagine anyone on the tour had more fun than we did. We got up early and walked, explored cities at night and even got shanghaied in Shanghai and spent an extra day in China. What did we do? We did what we always do . . . we went walking and explored.

I guess what I want to convey most is the power of friendship and the bigger picture of what it creates. Had Netto or I been stuck inside the lines of what is acceptable or predicted , we would not have the free pass into each others’ world. We have we each gained invaluable insight, tolerance, understanding and acceptance into thinking and ways we wouldn’t otherwise possess. Now the Pollyanna in me will pop out. Why can’t we try to know each other, try to communicate with each other? The lines will blur, the fears will decrease, and the love will grow. I was recently at San Francisco Gay Pride working with a gay Christian church I ally with there. I took the time to go over to the Pagan Promo booth. I introduced myself and said, “Hey, I’m on the other team, but I’d like to get to know some of what you think.” I also spent some time with the sex workers’ union at their booth listening to their issues. My take-away? Everyone wants to be heard and respected.

I have a friend in Austin, Texas who works with the homeless. He calls them “guests”. He puts real faces on these people for me. He understands who they are and respects them. He has changed many of my views. When I go there, I will walk into his world with understanding and get firsthand experience in an arena I have avoided. And hence, the pebble-water ripples he
has created will touch me and affect my thinking and acting for the better. I like to think this is exactly what the relationship with Netto has done. Not only was she a tool God used for me to listen to Him more clearly on the gay/straight, gay/Christian issue, but we have created our own ripple effects of understanding, all forged on miles of trust and openness. This is not a new concept; it is an old one and it does work. Communication does dissipate fears. Try it, go out and blur those lines that get in the way too often. It can take years, Netto and I have affected many lives for the better and God smiles.

Kathy Baldock
Kathybaldock@helloworld.com
August 3, 2008