SOCIAL JUSTICE
I’ve realized lately that five simple words open the door to conversation with people who might otherwise be content to do the pleasantries and move on. “I am a social activist”, I say. Is it global warming, immigration, the homeless, or the handicapped? What is it that drive my passions? Certainly each of these topics warrant my concerns. My trigger, however, is the gay community. From a time I cannot pinpoint, I have cared that bigotry does exist towards my gay friends. Years ago, a Native American lesbian with whom I have a very close relationship said, “I am considered the lowest of the low in society.” I felt her pain, I feel her pain. In November , I sat in a friend’s dining room watching the election results as FOX News posted the gay marriage results state by state. He spewed out, “that’s what’s wrong with America, the gays are ruining the American family”. Let’s ignore his own adultery that ruined his American family. Rather, let’s leer at Raf and Tim’s 17 year relationship. They knew on their first date that they wanted to spend their lives together. They “got married” one year later and moved in together. Let’s also look at two lesbian friends of mine who have been together for 14 years sharing love, faithfulness and respect behind closed doors, because being gay invalidates their belief system to many fellow Christians. This straight girl longs for much of what I see that these two couples share. What is wrong with America and the rest of the world? If I got to elect one dream candidate next November, I would elect President Jesus. His platform is mercy, compassion, human dignity, justice and hospitality. But, He is not running; He expects His followers to do the work for Him . In the arena of social justice for the LGBTQ community, an accurate picture of His heart and agenda have not been reflected.I am sorry that this distortion has hurt people. In January, I went to the Gay Christian Conference, sponsored by gaychristian.net, for four days. I was the first straight Christian to join them in their three years of meeting. Was I going to see for myself “ what is wrong with America?” Surely not in the way in which the rhetorical question was posed to me in November. I did not know my purpose, I just knew I needed to go listen , meet with and learn from my gay brothers and sisters. One night late, during the please-hear-my -pain-and-journey open mike, the Jesus I say I follow took over. I publicly apologized for the rejection of gay children by their parents, for rejection of the gay community by the straight community and rejection of the gay church by the straight church. I did not just say I was sorry, I was blessed with the associated pain God feels over each of these issues; this made the sorrow very real to me. Healing began that night for hundreds of people; healing that I want to be involved in, as a Jesus person. I see hatred swirling downwardly, hatred between two groups I care about: the Christian community and the gay community. Neither may be honest enough to say the word “hate”, but I am going to adhere to the Jesus definition which basically says, if it ain’t total love, then it is hate. I may be one person now, but I flow and move in many circles in our community and beyond. I choose to be as stalwart as Tank Man, who in June of 1989 stood in Tiananmen Square, in front of 17 People’s Republic army tanks. He is my personal hero, standing there in his work clothes with his grocery bag and in his silence; he said before the watching world “stop this destruction, stop this craziness.” I have raised two wonderful children and a new book has begun for my life. I do not like bigotry. That is one thing wrong with America, with humanity…I want to stand in my personal Tiananmen Square each day. I may only be a small plot of land now, but I know the passion and truth God has put in me will extend beyond what I can see. I make effort to speak to the two side of the chasm. To my gay friends, I say “can we re-look at the Jesus I know, not the misrepresented one, the hateful one?” Come talk to me ,or go see my friend Denise Cordova at Light of the Soul Christian Ministries. They meet every Sunday at 7 pm at the First Congregational Church on Sunnyside. She is a married, lesbian, Christian pastor. That may wrinkle a few noses. Good. Wherever you sit in the discussion, if you meet me and I say ‘I am a social activist”, be ready to engage in a conversation of mercy, compassion, human dignity and hospitality ala my Leader. You may not share my tenets, that’s okay. But, let’s talk, and begin to move towards dispelling the hatred, the fear, the misunderstandings. I want my Christian lesbian friends to have the freedoms I have in the church and in public. I want the two groups that I care about to experience the Jesus I know . I will stand daily in my work clothes with my grocery bags in front of the tanks of bigotry and say “stop this destruction, stop this craziness.” Kathy BaldockKathybaldock@helloworld.com
Monday, February 25, 2008
STRUGGLES/ Reno OUT AUGUST 2007
Struggles
There are some things I am sound on. So solid that self-doubt, opposition, criticism and enticement will not move my firmly planted feet. There are other issues that still cause me to search for the footing I would like. My heart knows what I want my head to believe.
I struggle, and who does not? I have been a resident in this society for 51 years and a professing Christian for 25 of those years. Both these citizenships have colored my views. In the most extreme of cases, I have heard the barb, “all gays go to hell”, and I try to place this in my larger contextual solid shell of “Jesus is merciful and compassionate” and chose to hang out with the outcasts and the marginalized.
So, can you see the dichotomy, the struggle? What’s a Jesus-follower to do and, what’s a person who has been wounded and pushed away by society and church to do? Is there a middle we can meet in in love and discuss this and make sense of it all? It is part of my personality to be curious , so I investigate into, meditate on, listen to, discuss and read in hope to come to that solid place where I am firmly rooted. When I look down, I am sure my feet are firmly planted on some very major issues, on others, I am still in process.
Sexual issues of morality are not unique to the gay and non-Christian community. Yes, even I struggle with what I want and what I know is right. You may find this amusing, but this is how it sometimes works in my head till I get solid. After lingering five years too long in a difficult twenty year marriage, I found a man who greatly pleased me. My gentle pastor of almost twenty years was brave enough to challenge me on the obvious. I said, “I hope God has some kind of a balance sheet where He knows what I’ve missed out on and has credited me for withdrawal now.” Creative, but very lame. Some things are definitive to me; other thinking may and often does stretch the elastic to the point just before it snaps.
Friends call me a creative thinker; God made me that way and then, I believe, placed me in a spot sure to draw controversy and misunderstanding. In keeping with that, last month in my article, I mentioned the five “clobber verses” in the Bible. These five verses are used by many people in and out of churches to label the LGTBQ community as unworthy of God’s love and society’s respect. I could do an article on each of those verses by going through the Hebrew, the culture, the context…..this is not the forum. In each case, however, the phrases that invite the rejection have been translated as “homosexual”. People with vested interests have helped me look at each of these verses in a different way than the interpretations I have heard. I have a dear friend in the East Bay named Ed who I met at a conference in Seattle. He has come to trust me enough to open up his life, his vast and intelligent approach to Biblical study and his church community to me. I spent a weekend with him and his fellow Freedom in Christ church members this summer. He continues to direct me to books, websites and activists to help me to find information so that I could get the other side of the translations I had read so often.
And, so I struggle, struggle to find REAL meaning, intent, context and historical setting of these five verses that have so offended my gay friends, that so empower some people to judge and condemn. I can get in all kinds of trouble with people when I say that I believe some Bible translations did a horrible job in substituting “homosexual” for what I believe is being spoken of in those verses is a male temple cultic prostitute and in other cases males that dress up as women for temple cultic practices. I just cannot mesh all I know about Jesus, about the loving same sex relationships I know together with these badly translated verses and then conclude that my gay friends are immoral just because they are gay. Sexuality is amoral; it is people who are moral and immoral. I am on my third reading of a “Sex God” by Rob Bell. In it, he explores the connection between sexuality and spirituality. The heterosexual community has certainly done its part to distort sex from its original intent. And do I know plenty of sexually immoral heterosexuals—absolutely! So, why all the emphasis on sexual orientation? Jesus never mentioned it in the Bible, but in fairness, He never mentioned lots of things.
I confuse some people in the lesbian community in particular when I show up to Gay Pride and their softball games and go to Bully’s with them afterwards. I am genuinely trying to hear hearts and understand and reflect Jesus. A woman recently told me she has “no history” with someone like me, so I can be rather suspect. Bono from U2 says, “if Jesus were on earth you’d find Him in gay bars in San Francisco. He’d be working with people suffering from AIDS. These people are the new lepers. If you want to find out where Jesus would be hanging out it’ll always be with the lepers.” I am NOT saying my gay friends are lepers; it is just where Jesus would be. My radical role model.
So how about if we each put down our judgments and inch towards the center? I am trying to run at it; I will stumble, I will offend. If you want to do your own inching, a safe place for the LGBTQ is Light of the Soul Christian Ministries. They meet every Sunday at 7 pm at the First Congregational Church on Sunnyside. They played a great set Sunday morning at Gay Pride if you were there. They love Jesus; they would love to help you find a way back to a place of acceptance.
I want to effect change in a world that breeds too much fear and hatred. I want to struggle less and know more. I challenge you to take the tough road of opening up to be a creative thinker too. As I strive to find an honest way to bring understanding in all this confusion and interpretation, I want to find a place where my feet are so solid on this issue that the certain-to-come opposition will not knock me down. I want to adhere to what one of the Old Testament Prophets answered of the question “What does the Lord require of you?” The answer; ‘ To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.” I want justice, I do love mercy and I try to walk humbly with my God and His creation, and that is each of you. And finally, I want my head to believe what my heart thinks, don’t you?
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
There are some things I am sound on. So solid that self-doubt, opposition, criticism and enticement will not move my firmly planted feet. There are other issues that still cause me to search for the footing I would like. My heart knows what I want my head to believe.
I struggle, and who does not? I have been a resident in this society for 51 years and a professing Christian for 25 of those years. Both these citizenships have colored my views. In the most extreme of cases, I have heard the barb, “all gays go to hell”, and I try to place this in my larger contextual solid shell of “Jesus is merciful and compassionate” and chose to hang out with the outcasts and the marginalized.
So, can you see the dichotomy, the struggle? What’s a Jesus-follower to do and, what’s a person who has been wounded and pushed away by society and church to do? Is there a middle we can meet in in love and discuss this and make sense of it all? It is part of my personality to be curious , so I investigate into, meditate on, listen to, discuss and read in hope to come to that solid place where I am firmly rooted. When I look down, I am sure my feet are firmly planted on some very major issues, on others, I am still in process.
Sexual issues of morality are not unique to the gay and non-Christian community. Yes, even I struggle with what I want and what I know is right. You may find this amusing, but this is how it sometimes works in my head till I get solid. After lingering five years too long in a difficult twenty year marriage, I found a man who greatly pleased me. My gentle pastor of almost twenty years was brave enough to challenge me on the obvious. I said, “I hope God has some kind of a balance sheet where He knows what I’ve missed out on and has credited me for withdrawal now.” Creative, but very lame. Some things are definitive to me; other thinking may and often does stretch the elastic to the point just before it snaps.
Friends call me a creative thinker; God made me that way and then, I believe, placed me in a spot sure to draw controversy and misunderstanding. In keeping with that, last month in my article, I mentioned the five “clobber verses” in the Bible. These five verses are used by many people in and out of churches to label the LGTBQ community as unworthy of God’s love and society’s respect. I could do an article on each of those verses by going through the Hebrew, the culture, the context…..this is not the forum. In each case, however, the phrases that invite the rejection have been translated as “homosexual”. People with vested interests have helped me look at each of these verses in a different way than the interpretations I have heard. I have a dear friend in the East Bay named Ed who I met at a conference in Seattle. He has come to trust me enough to open up his life, his vast and intelligent approach to Biblical study and his church community to me. I spent a weekend with him and his fellow Freedom in Christ church members this summer. He continues to direct me to books, websites and activists to help me to find information so that I could get the other side of the translations I had read so often.
And, so I struggle, struggle to find REAL meaning, intent, context and historical setting of these five verses that have so offended my gay friends, that so empower some people to judge and condemn. I can get in all kinds of trouble with people when I say that I believe some Bible translations did a horrible job in substituting “homosexual” for what I believe is being spoken of in those verses is a male temple cultic prostitute and in other cases males that dress up as women for temple cultic practices. I just cannot mesh all I know about Jesus, about the loving same sex relationships I know together with these badly translated verses and then conclude that my gay friends are immoral just because they are gay. Sexuality is amoral; it is people who are moral and immoral. I am on my third reading of a “Sex God” by Rob Bell. In it, he explores the connection between sexuality and spirituality. The heterosexual community has certainly done its part to distort sex from its original intent. And do I know plenty of sexually immoral heterosexuals—absolutely! So, why all the emphasis on sexual orientation? Jesus never mentioned it in the Bible, but in fairness, He never mentioned lots of things.
I confuse some people in the lesbian community in particular when I show up to Gay Pride and their softball games and go to Bully’s with them afterwards. I am genuinely trying to hear hearts and understand and reflect Jesus. A woman recently told me she has “no history” with someone like me, so I can be rather suspect. Bono from U2 says, “if Jesus were on earth you’d find Him in gay bars in San Francisco. He’d be working with people suffering from AIDS. These people are the new lepers. If you want to find out where Jesus would be hanging out it’ll always be with the lepers.” I am NOT saying my gay friends are lepers; it is just where Jesus would be. My radical role model.
So how about if we each put down our judgments and inch towards the center? I am trying to run at it; I will stumble, I will offend. If you want to do your own inching, a safe place for the LGBTQ is Light of the Soul Christian Ministries. They meet every Sunday at 7 pm at the First Congregational Church on Sunnyside. They played a great set Sunday morning at Gay Pride if you were there. They love Jesus; they would love to help you find a way back to a place of acceptance.
I want to effect change in a world that breeds too much fear and hatred. I want to struggle less and know more. I challenge you to take the tough road of opening up to be a creative thinker too. As I strive to find an honest way to bring understanding in all this confusion and interpretation, I want to find a place where my feet are so solid on this issue that the certain-to-come opposition will not knock me down. I want to adhere to what one of the Old Testament Prophets answered of the question “What does the Lord require of you?” The answer; ‘ To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.” I want justice, I do love mercy and I try to walk humbly with my God and His creation, and that is each of you. And finally, I want my head to believe what my heart thinks, don’t you?
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
STRUGGLES/ Reno OUT September 2007
Struggles
There are some things I am sound on. So solid that self-doubt, opposition, criticism and enticement will not move my firmly planted feet. There are other issues that still cause me to search for the footing I would like. My heart knows what I want my head to believe.
I struggle, and who does not? I have been a resident in this society for 51 years and a professing Christian for 25 of those years. Both these citizenships have colored my views. In the most extreme of cases, I have heard the barb, “all gays go to hell”, and I try to place this in my larger contextual solid shell of “Jesus is merciful and compassionate” and chose to hang out with the outcasts and the marginalized.
So, can you see the dichotomy, the struggle? What’s a Jesus-follower to do and, what’s a person who has been wounded and pushed away by society and church to do? Is there a middle we can meet in in love and discuss this and make sense of it all? It is part of my personality to be curious , so I investigate into, meditate on, listen to, discuss and read in hope to come to that solid place where I am firmly rooted. When I look down, I am sure my feet are firmly planted on some very major issues, on others, I am still in process.
Sexual issues of morality are not unique to the gay and non-Christian community. Yes, even I struggle with what I want and what I know is right. You may find this amusing, but this is how it sometimes works in my head till I get solid. After lingering five years too long in a difficult twenty year marriage, I found a man who greatly pleased me. My gentle pastor of almost twenty years was brave enough to challenge me on the obvious. I said, “I hope God has some kind of a balance sheet where He knows what I’ve missed out on and has credited me for withdrawal now.” Creative, but very lame. Some things are definitive to me; other thinking may and often does stretch the elastic to the point just before it snaps.
Friends call me a creative thinker; God made me that way and then, I believe, placed me in a spot sure to draw controversy and misunderstanding. In keeping with that, last month in my article, I mentioned the five “clobber verses” in the Bible. These five verses are used by many people in and out of churches to label the LGTBQ community as unworthy of God’s love and society’s respect. I could do an article on each of those verses by going through the Hebrew, the culture, the context…..this is not the forum. In each case, however, the phrases that invite the rejection have been translated as “homosexual”. People with vested interests have helped me look at each of these verses in a different way than the interpretations I have heard. I have a dear friend in the East Bay named Ed who I met at a conference in Seattle. He has come to trust me enough to open up his life, his vast and intelligent approach to Biblical study and his church community to me. I spent a weekend with him and his fellow Freedom in Christ church members this summer. He continues to direct me to books, websites and activists to help me to find information so that I could get the other side of the translations I had read so often.
And, so I struggle, struggle to find REAL meaning, intent, context and historical setting of these five verses that have so offended my gay friends, that so empower some people to judge and condemn. I can get in all kinds of trouble with people when I say that I believe some Bible translations did a horrible job in substituting “homosexual” for what I believe is being spoken of in those verses is a male temple cultic prostitute and in other cases males that dress up as women for temple cultic practices. I just cannot mesh all I know about Jesus, about the loving same sex relationships I know together with these badly translated verses and then conclude that my gay friends are immoral just because they are gay. Sexuality is amoral; it is people who are moral and immoral. I am on my third reading of a “Sex God” by Rob Bell. In it, he explores the connection between sexuality and spirituality. The heterosexual community has certainly done its part to distort sex from its original intent. And do I know plenty of sexually immoral heterosexuals—absolutely! So, why all the emphasis on sexual orientation? Jesus never mentioned it in the Bible, but in fairness, He never mentioned lots of things.
I confuse some people in the lesbian community in particular when I show up to Gay Pride and their softball games and go to Bully’s with them afterwards. I am genuinely trying to hear hearts and understand and reflect Jesus. A woman recently told me she has “no history” with someone like me, so I can be rather suspect. Bono from U2 says, “if Jesus were on earth you’d find Him in gay bars in San Francisco. He’d be working with people suffering from AIDS. These people are the new lepers. If you want to find out where Jesus would be hanging out it’ll always be with the lepers.” I am NOT saying my gay friends are lepers; it is just where Jesus would be. My radical role model.
So how about if we each put down our judgments and inch towards the center? I am trying to run at it; I will stumble, I will offend. If you want to do your own inching, a safe place for the LGBTQ is Light of the Soul Christian Ministries. They meet every Sunday at 7 pm at the First Congregational Church on Sunnyside. They played a great set Sunday morning at Gay Pride if you were there. They love Jesus; they would love to help you find a way back to a place of acceptance.
I want to effect change in a world that breeds too much fear and hatred. I want to struggle less and know more. I challenge you to take the tough road of opening up to be a creative thinker too. As I strive to find an honest way to bring understanding in all this confusion and interpretation, I want to find a place where my feet are so solid on this issue that the certain-to-come opposition will not knock me down. I want to adhere to what one of the Old Testament Prophets answered of the question “What does the Lord require of you?” The answer; ‘ To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.” I want justice, I do love mercy and I try to walk humbly with my God and His creation, and that is each of you. And finally, I want my head to believe what my heart thinks, don’t you?
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
There are some things I am sound on. So solid that self-doubt, opposition, criticism and enticement will not move my firmly planted feet. There are other issues that still cause me to search for the footing I would like. My heart knows what I want my head to believe.
I struggle, and who does not? I have been a resident in this society for 51 years and a professing Christian for 25 of those years. Both these citizenships have colored my views. In the most extreme of cases, I have heard the barb, “all gays go to hell”, and I try to place this in my larger contextual solid shell of “Jesus is merciful and compassionate” and chose to hang out with the outcasts and the marginalized.
So, can you see the dichotomy, the struggle? What’s a Jesus-follower to do and, what’s a person who has been wounded and pushed away by society and church to do? Is there a middle we can meet in in love and discuss this and make sense of it all? It is part of my personality to be curious , so I investigate into, meditate on, listen to, discuss and read in hope to come to that solid place where I am firmly rooted. When I look down, I am sure my feet are firmly planted on some very major issues, on others, I am still in process.
Sexual issues of morality are not unique to the gay and non-Christian community. Yes, even I struggle with what I want and what I know is right. You may find this amusing, but this is how it sometimes works in my head till I get solid. After lingering five years too long in a difficult twenty year marriage, I found a man who greatly pleased me. My gentle pastor of almost twenty years was brave enough to challenge me on the obvious. I said, “I hope God has some kind of a balance sheet where He knows what I’ve missed out on and has credited me for withdrawal now.” Creative, but very lame. Some things are definitive to me; other thinking may and often does stretch the elastic to the point just before it snaps.
Friends call me a creative thinker; God made me that way and then, I believe, placed me in a spot sure to draw controversy and misunderstanding. In keeping with that, last month in my article, I mentioned the five “clobber verses” in the Bible. These five verses are used by many people in and out of churches to label the LGTBQ community as unworthy of God’s love and society’s respect. I could do an article on each of those verses by going through the Hebrew, the culture, the context…..this is not the forum. In each case, however, the phrases that invite the rejection have been translated as “homosexual”. People with vested interests have helped me look at each of these verses in a different way than the interpretations I have heard. I have a dear friend in the East Bay named Ed who I met at a conference in Seattle. He has come to trust me enough to open up his life, his vast and intelligent approach to Biblical study and his church community to me. I spent a weekend with him and his fellow Freedom in Christ church members this summer. He continues to direct me to books, websites and activists to help me to find information so that I could get the other side of the translations I had read so often.
And, so I struggle, struggle to find REAL meaning, intent, context and historical setting of these five verses that have so offended my gay friends, that so empower some people to judge and condemn. I can get in all kinds of trouble with people when I say that I believe some Bible translations did a horrible job in substituting “homosexual” for what I believe is being spoken of in those verses is a male temple cultic prostitute and in other cases males that dress up as women for temple cultic practices. I just cannot mesh all I know about Jesus, about the loving same sex relationships I know together with these badly translated verses and then conclude that my gay friends are immoral just because they are gay. Sexuality is amoral; it is people who are moral and immoral. I am on my third reading of a “Sex God” by Rob Bell. In it, he explores the connection between sexuality and spirituality. The heterosexual community has certainly done its part to distort sex from its original intent. And do I know plenty of sexually immoral heterosexuals—absolutely! So, why all the emphasis on sexual orientation? Jesus never mentioned it in the Bible, but in fairness, He never mentioned lots of things.
I confuse some people in the lesbian community in particular when I show up to Gay Pride and their softball games and go to Bully’s with them afterwards. I am genuinely trying to hear hearts and understand and reflect Jesus. A woman recently told me she has “no history” with someone like me, so I can be rather suspect. Bono from U2 says, “if Jesus were on earth you’d find Him in gay bars in San Francisco. He’d be working with people suffering from AIDS. These people are the new lepers. If you want to find out where Jesus would be hanging out it’ll always be with the lepers.” I am NOT saying my gay friends are lepers; it is just where Jesus would be. My radical role model.
So how about if we each put down our judgments and inch towards the center? I am trying to run at it; I will stumble, I will offend. If you want to do your own inching, a safe place for the LGBTQ is Light of the Soul Christian Ministries. They meet every Sunday at 7 pm at the First Congregational Church on Sunnyside. They played a great set Sunday morning at Gay Pride if you were there. They love Jesus; they would love to help you find a way back to a place of acceptance.
I want to effect change in a world that breeds too much fear and hatred. I want to struggle less and know more. I challenge you to take the tough road of opening up to be a creative thinker too. As I strive to find an honest way to bring understanding in all this confusion and interpretation, I want to find a place where my feet are so solid on this issue that the certain-to-come opposition will not knock me down. I want to adhere to what one of the Old Testament Prophets answered of the question “What does the Lord require of you?” The answer; ‘ To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.” I want justice, I do love mercy and I try to walk humbly with my God and His creation, and that is each of you. And finally, I want my head to believe what my heart thinks, don’t you?
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
CHRISTMAS GIFTS/ Reno OUT October 2007
CHRISTMAS GIFTS
A friend asked me a few weeks back, when we were talking about integrity I think it was, if I had ever opened any Christmas gifts on the sneak before Christmas morning. “No”, I said, “Why would I want to spoil the surprise?” Now mind you this was during a conversation about integrity and …..I lied. I guess I didn’t think it counted, as I was only five when I did it. It bothered me that I lied about something so simple and I’ve thought about the sneaked gift several times since the question. I was turning it over and over in my head as I hiked in the canyons near my home, trying to connect the gift, Christmas, who I was and who I am. Somehow they were all jumbling around in my mind in the same plane, so I let them comfortably settle in till it made some sense.
I went on line today to a favorite spot, Google Images, and typed in “Suzy Smart”. Ah, memories. If you are of my vintage, you will remember her. Twenty-four inches tall, blonde hair in a ponytail, tartan jumper and tam, white Peter Pan collared shirt, a desk and blackboard. She was one of the first talking dolls. She proudly declared her superior intelligence. “C-A-T spells cat, D-O-G spells dog. 2 2 is 4.” My Mom had her hidden in the hall closet till Santa came. (This was also the year I knew Santa did not come down the fire escape to my apartment.) In a one-bedroom apartment with three closets and four people, there was not much room to hide things, so there I sneaked a peek at Suzy the week before Christmas.
I grew up in New York City in the 50’s and 60’s, a city of 9 million people, pretty crowded, and I was lonely. Suzy was my pal. I played school with her. I talked to her. I hung out with her. When I could read, I transitioned from Suzy to Harold, you know the bald boy of “Harold and the Purple Crayon”? For personal reasons, I felt very safe in these fantasy worlds. It has taken me a long time to feel truly comfortable with me. You’d never believe that if you knew me. The kind of comfort I am talking of though now is the so-sure-I-am-valuable-and-accepted-comfortable. And how does this all tie into Christmas? I once thought as a child does, duh, and thought Christmas was all about the gifts, about Suzy hidden in the Christmas wrap in the closet. Then I graduated to adult. It became about the gift exchanges between friends and family. Now, however, I think I finally have gotten it. It is really about the relationships I have in my life. I can only do them so well and so openly and so freely because I am comfortable with me.
Christmas songs speak of the baby Jesus in a manger with lowing oxen and men with gifts. That was just the start. He grew to be a radical of His time. He broke so many of the traditional rules. The Jesus the gay community often hears of is inaccurate, the one who is not very kind to you. Check Him out for yourself. Go on line and go to any Bible translation website and read the Gospels of Matthew and Mark in the Message translation in particular. The real Jesus was all about justice and compassion and mercy. The strongest words He spoke were reserved for the uber-religious of His time. I have heard lesbians declare that Jesus “hated women”. Wrong. The culture of that time most certainly devalued women, but read for yourself (in the account of the Samaritan woman) how Hero Jesus treated women, and children for that matter. Children were even lesser than women in that culture and Jesus told people they were better off dead that to hurt a child.
It is this Jesus who is not only my example of behavior; it is this Jesus who has given me a very solid picture of who I am. Lonely children hanging with their Suzy Smart and traveling the imaginary world with Harold don’t usually end up with solid self-image. But I have. And I have because a baby was born in a manger. A baby who grew up to be a man. It was all part of God’s plan from the start.
Some people don’t get the whole Christian-thing, the why-is-Jesus-so-important thing. Here is as simply as I can explain it: from the start, God knew we’d mess up, each of us, all of us, but He is still crazy about us. He took a part of Himself (very simplified theology here) and sent Him to earth to be born as a man, to be an example, to challenge old systems and ways of thinking and get killed for breaking all the rules. From the very start, in the garden, it has only been the spilling of some kind of blood that works for payment of doing wrong. The blood of God Himself is the purest and most powerful blood and it dealt with ALL wrong for ALL time. So, when I choose to align myself with the Mega-Radical, I get to view me from His point of view because all the bad I have done is erased. Very cool! I am no longer an outcast only good enough for Suzy and Harold; I am good enough for God Himself. That will boost your image!!!! And it brings lots of security. I don’t need to look to you or to anyone to validate me. I get to just be me. And, I get to love you just the way you are. I don’t need to change you, to straighten you out, to threaten you, to ignore you just because you are not like me.
I have said this before…I believe the gay community has been given a very wrong picture of the baby-turned-man-of Christmas AND the wrong picture of your community has gone the other way too. If we could just each see how truly valuable we are in God’s eyes, maybe we could skip all the posturing and just be kind and accepting to one another.
I love Christmas time and not for the gifts. I love it because people take the time for about four weeks to stop and recognize the value of relationship. Maybe they are doing it with gifts, but think about the time we actually give one another in December to just be together. That is the priceless gift, time with one another.
Check out the true message of this season for yourself. Stop getting duped by the repeated rhetoric. For anonymity, go on line to www.gaychristian.net and ask all the questions you want in very open and honest forums. The people in that social networking community are very welcoming. There is also a church in Reno where you are safe to be you and questioning. Ask all you want, turn it around in your head till you come to your own conclusion. Pastor Denise at Light of the Soul Christian Ministries (on Sunnyside at 7 pm on Sundays) will tell you about this radical Jesus that loves women (oh, and men too!). Get His vision of you and you will get the gift of the season. Things may not be changing very quickly in this society where the marginalized are, well, marginalized. But, if you can alter the view of you, all that ugliness coming at you will have less impact.
Suzy and Harold got me through the lonely years, I am very okay now and secure enough to let you be you and love you the way you are. Have a wonderful Christmas appreciating the finest things in life, the things wrapped in skin and not holly paper. From me to you….Merry Christmas.
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
A friend asked me a few weeks back, when we were talking about integrity I think it was, if I had ever opened any Christmas gifts on the sneak before Christmas morning. “No”, I said, “Why would I want to spoil the surprise?” Now mind you this was during a conversation about integrity and …..I lied. I guess I didn’t think it counted, as I was only five when I did it. It bothered me that I lied about something so simple and I’ve thought about the sneaked gift several times since the question. I was turning it over and over in my head as I hiked in the canyons near my home, trying to connect the gift, Christmas, who I was and who I am. Somehow they were all jumbling around in my mind in the same plane, so I let them comfortably settle in till it made some sense.
I went on line today to a favorite spot, Google Images, and typed in “Suzy Smart”. Ah, memories. If you are of my vintage, you will remember her. Twenty-four inches tall, blonde hair in a ponytail, tartan jumper and tam, white Peter Pan collared shirt, a desk and blackboard. She was one of the first talking dolls. She proudly declared her superior intelligence. “C-A-T spells cat, D-O-G spells dog. 2 2 is 4.” My Mom had her hidden in the hall closet till Santa came. (This was also the year I knew Santa did not come down the fire escape to my apartment.) In a one-bedroom apartment with three closets and four people, there was not much room to hide things, so there I sneaked a peek at Suzy the week before Christmas.
I grew up in New York City in the 50’s and 60’s, a city of 9 million people, pretty crowded, and I was lonely. Suzy was my pal. I played school with her. I talked to her. I hung out with her. When I could read, I transitioned from Suzy to Harold, you know the bald boy of “Harold and the Purple Crayon”? For personal reasons, I felt very safe in these fantasy worlds. It has taken me a long time to feel truly comfortable with me. You’d never believe that if you knew me. The kind of comfort I am talking of though now is the so-sure-I-am-valuable-and-accepted-comfortable. And how does this all tie into Christmas? I once thought as a child does, duh, and thought Christmas was all about the gifts, about Suzy hidden in the Christmas wrap in the closet. Then I graduated to adult. It became about the gift exchanges between friends and family. Now, however, I think I finally have gotten it. It is really about the relationships I have in my life. I can only do them so well and so openly and so freely because I am comfortable with me.
Christmas songs speak of the baby Jesus in a manger with lowing oxen and men with gifts. That was just the start. He grew to be a radical of His time. He broke so many of the traditional rules. The Jesus the gay community often hears of is inaccurate, the one who is not very kind to you. Check Him out for yourself. Go on line and go to any Bible translation website and read the Gospels of Matthew and Mark in the Message translation in particular. The real Jesus was all about justice and compassion and mercy. The strongest words He spoke were reserved for the uber-religious of His time. I have heard lesbians declare that Jesus “hated women”. Wrong. The culture of that time most certainly devalued women, but read for yourself (in the account of the Samaritan woman) how Hero Jesus treated women, and children for that matter. Children were even lesser than women in that culture and Jesus told people they were better off dead that to hurt a child.
It is this Jesus who is not only my example of behavior; it is this Jesus who has given me a very solid picture of who I am. Lonely children hanging with their Suzy Smart and traveling the imaginary world with Harold don’t usually end up with solid self-image. But I have. And I have because a baby was born in a manger. A baby who grew up to be a man. It was all part of God’s plan from the start.
Some people don’t get the whole Christian-thing, the why-is-Jesus-so-important thing. Here is as simply as I can explain it: from the start, God knew we’d mess up, each of us, all of us, but He is still crazy about us. He took a part of Himself (very simplified theology here) and sent Him to earth to be born as a man, to be an example, to challenge old systems and ways of thinking and get killed for breaking all the rules. From the very start, in the garden, it has only been the spilling of some kind of blood that works for payment of doing wrong. The blood of God Himself is the purest and most powerful blood and it dealt with ALL wrong for ALL time. So, when I choose to align myself with the Mega-Radical, I get to view me from His point of view because all the bad I have done is erased. Very cool! I am no longer an outcast only good enough for Suzy and Harold; I am good enough for God Himself. That will boost your image!!!! And it brings lots of security. I don’t need to look to you or to anyone to validate me. I get to just be me. And, I get to love you just the way you are. I don’t need to change you, to straighten you out, to threaten you, to ignore you just because you are not like me.
I have said this before…I believe the gay community has been given a very wrong picture of the baby-turned-man-of Christmas AND the wrong picture of your community has gone the other way too. If we could just each see how truly valuable we are in God’s eyes, maybe we could skip all the posturing and just be kind and accepting to one another.
I love Christmas time and not for the gifts. I love it because people take the time for about four weeks to stop and recognize the value of relationship. Maybe they are doing it with gifts, but think about the time we actually give one another in December to just be together. That is the priceless gift, time with one another.
Check out the true message of this season for yourself. Stop getting duped by the repeated rhetoric. For anonymity, go on line to www.gaychristian.net and ask all the questions you want in very open and honest forums. The people in that social networking community are very welcoming. There is also a church in Reno where you are safe to be you and questioning. Ask all you want, turn it around in your head till you come to your own conclusion. Pastor Denise at Light of the Soul Christian Ministries (on Sunnyside at 7 pm on Sundays) will tell you about this radical Jesus that loves women (oh, and men too!). Get His vision of you and you will get the gift of the season. Things may not be changing very quickly in this society where the marginalized are, well, marginalized. But, if you can alter the view of you, all that ugliness coming at you will have less impact.
Suzy and Harold got me through the lonely years, I am very okay now and secure enough to let you be you and love you the way you are. Have a wonderful Christmas appreciating the finest things in life, the things wrapped in skin and not holly paper. From me to you….Merry Christmas.
Kathy Baldockkathybaldock@helloworld.com
GRACE/ Reno OUT November 2007
GRACE
When things seem a jumble yet somehow connected, a lesson is coming if I stay still enough to listen and embrace it. I was sharing some frustrating situations with RENO OUT editor, Laura Grotz, on a recent hike. She suggested I turn that frustration into an article. I couldn’t figure out where the connection was without just complaining. Now it has come together. And the glue? Grace -- the gift of it and the lack of it.
Grace is mercy, love and kindness extended to a person or from a person when it is not “deserved”. It is simply given with no expectation of return. It is the antithesis of Karma: the belief that what goes around comes around. Conversely, no conditions are set with the extension of grace.
I have experienced two incidents in the past month where grace did not operate well. I try to walk a knife’s edge between the gay community and the Christian community reaching into both segments with truth, kindness, respect and humility. In other words, grace. I say try. I do not always succeed.
Incident One: I heard that a gay man had formulated inaccurate opinions of my gender orientation, my agenda and me. I welcomed a time to discuss it all, hoping for clarification on both sides. Easy, I thought. Who could possibly misinterpret me, given time to openly speak directly with me? We parted after an hour’s conversation. An exchange I found to be fairly frustrating. He did not “get” me. My heart was not seen. And how do I know this? Within a few weeks, two friends of mine overheard a mocking conversation between the same man and a person from my past . . . me being the subject. The language used and assessments made most certainly did not include grace extended.
Incident Two: I was asked to co-found a business group of Christian business women. I’m the one with a bank account rich in social capital. I know people. Easy, I thought. What better than like-minded business women coming together in a spiritual setting? Three days after the initial successful meeting of 17 people, the e-mails started populating from the other leader. Concerns had been raised by another member. Why did I not state that a “known lesbian” was on my invitation list? Was I hiding this fact? What was my agenda? Did I believe sexual sin was okay? Would I, as a personal favor, please not invite any lesbians to the group? When did I plan on telling these women about the sin in their lives? This all stunned me. Again, I thought, if we just discuss this openly, bring it to the group, settle on a mission statement, then approach policy, understanding would certainly follow. What kind of group were we to be? If we were going to be the “purity police” then even I couldn’t attend. I stood my ground on my core beliefs of grace. Again, the arguers did not “get” me. Again, my heart was not seen. And how do I know this? I was kicked out of the group I co-founded for my belief that one can be gay and Christian. The policy set to exclude me for my tenets and my lesbian friends for their orientation most certainly did not include grace.
Two teams. Two incidents. Two situations lacking grace. I have been somehow placed in a center position to see both sides and, not only do both sides sometimes act well, they both also act badly. I contend, however, that “my team” is the bigger failure. We are the ones with Captain Jesus. We are the one who are to love, love, and love some more. To extend grace, grace, and then some more. That is not only possible, but it is mandated. The Supreme Grace-Giver, God, has treated us with kindness and mercy and then we are expected to reflect it. The flow goes like this: God gives me grace when I do not deserve it. I am then to get rid of my self-righteousness because I know I am no more deserving then anyone else. Then, I am to, in humility, extend it to others. It doesn’t always work that way, unfortunately.
Some kind of disconnect has occurred in the process here. I apologize several times a week for the gap that exists between grace extended by God and grace withheld by His people. The majority of the people I surround myself with behave as I do. They are kind people. People who give without expecting return. They serve in the most amazing places without expectation. They work with the homeless, people with AIDS, the immigrant community, the sick, the addicts, the emotionally needy. They are wonderful business people; they reflect Jesus well. If I were to do it right, I would have a life of humble service on this earth. If, if, if.
I know damage has been done to your community with words and actions. Too many people validate the non-extension of grace by the oft-repeated verse thought to be in the Bible: “love the sinner, hate the sin”. (It was actually stated by Mahatma Gandhi and first conceived by Saint Augustine.) We could stop at the first part of the phrase or even the first word and have enough challenge for life.
January is a time for reflection and renewal. Can both teams walk to the middle? Can we each play fairly? Can the two teams shake hands in center field? Can we try to extend grace to the other team? I am trying to get my team to play a bit better. We have a playbook called the Bible. I seek to be the version you don’t need to read. I want to just be it. I know the book is filled with truth. I know it is filled with instruction on how to love, how to be a better citizen.
Let’s find ways to play well with others. We do not need to look to the Middle East and point at their strife. We each, including me, can look in our mirrors. Random acts of grace in 2008. Go team!
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
When things seem a jumble yet somehow connected, a lesson is coming if I stay still enough to listen and embrace it. I was sharing some frustrating situations with RENO OUT editor, Laura Grotz, on a recent hike. She suggested I turn that frustration into an article. I couldn’t figure out where the connection was without just complaining. Now it has come together. And the glue? Grace -- the gift of it and the lack of it.
Grace is mercy, love and kindness extended to a person or from a person when it is not “deserved”. It is simply given with no expectation of return. It is the antithesis of Karma: the belief that what goes around comes around. Conversely, no conditions are set with the extension of grace.
I have experienced two incidents in the past month where grace did not operate well. I try to walk a knife’s edge between the gay community and the Christian community reaching into both segments with truth, kindness, respect and humility. In other words, grace. I say try. I do not always succeed.
Incident One: I heard that a gay man had formulated inaccurate opinions of my gender orientation, my agenda and me. I welcomed a time to discuss it all, hoping for clarification on both sides. Easy, I thought. Who could possibly misinterpret me, given time to openly speak directly with me? We parted after an hour’s conversation. An exchange I found to be fairly frustrating. He did not “get” me. My heart was not seen. And how do I know this? Within a few weeks, two friends of mine overheard a mocking conversation between the same man and a person from my past . . . me being the subject. The language used and assessments made most certainly did not include grace extended.
Incident Two: I was asked to co-found a business group of Christian business women. I’m the one with a bank account rich in social capital. I know people. Easy, I thought. What better than like-minded business women coming together in a spiritual setting? Three days after the initial successful meeting of 17 people, the e-mails started populating from the other leader. Concerns had been raised by another member. Why did I not state that a “known lesbian” was on my invitation list? Was I hiding this fact? What was my agenda? Did I believe sexual sin was okay? Would I, as a personal favor, please not invite any lesbians to the group? When did I plan on telling these women about the sin in their lives? This all stunned me. Again, I thought, if we just discuss this openly, bring it to the group, settle on a mission statement, then approach policy, understanding would certainly follow. What kind of group were we to be? If we were going to be the “purity police” then even I couldn’t attend. I stood my ground on my core beliefs of grace. Again, the arguers did not “get” me. Again, my heart was not seen. And how do I know this? I was kicked out of the group I co-founded for my belief that one can be gay and Christian. The policy set to exclude me for my tenets and my lesbian friends for their orientation most certainly did not include grace.
Two teams. Two incidents. Two situations lacking grace. I have been somehow placed in a center position to see both sides and, not only do both sides sometimes act well, they both also act badly. I contend, however, that “my team” is the bigger failure. We are the ones with Captain Jesus. We are the one who are to love, love, and love some more. To extend grace, grace, and then some more. That is not only possible, but it is mandated. The Supreme Grace-Giver, God, has treated us with kindness and mercy and then we are expected to reflect it. The flow goes like this: God gives me grace when I do not deserve it. I am then to get rid of my self-righteousness because I know I am no more deserving then anyone else. Then, I am to, in humility, extend it to others. It doesn’t always work that way, unfortunately.
Some kind of disconnect has occurred in the process here. I apologize several times a week for the gap that exists between grace extended by God and grace withheld by His people. The majority of the people I surround myself with behave as I do. They are kind people. People who give without expecting return. They serve in the most amazing places without expectation. They work with the homeless, people with AIDS, the immigrant community, the sick, the addicts, the emotionally needy. They are wonderful business people; they reflect Jesus well. If I were to do it right, I would have a life of humble service on this earth. If, if, if.
I know damage has been done to your community with words and actions. Too many people validate the non-extension of grace by the oft-repeated verse thought to be in the Bible: “love the sinner, hate the sin”. (It was actually stated by Mahatma Gandhi and first conceived by Saint Augustine.) We could stop at the first part of the phrase or even the first word and have enough challenge for life.
January is a time for reflection and renewal. Can both teams walk to the middle? Can we each play fairly? Can the two teams shake hands in center field? Can we try to extend grace to the other team? I am trying to get my team to play a bit better. We have a playbook called the Bible. I seek to be the version you don’t need to read. I want to just be it. I know the book is filled with truth. I know it is filled with instruction on how to love, how to be a better citizen.
Let’s find ways to play well with others. We do not need to look to the Middle East and point at their strife. We each, including me, can look in our mirrors. Random acts of grace in 2008. Go team!
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
Sunday, February 24, 2008
ADVENTURES
I have been involved in the past month in changing my life. Not easy to do at 52; I just celebrated my birthday last week at my dining room table surrounded by my children , Mom and some people that I love.
This blogsite would not be up without the needed help of a sweet friend Steve in MO who shortened my learning curve and just did it for me. Thank you so much you sweet-smiled man!!!
I am creating three streams of income to replace the W-2 income I have had for years in sales in the tech industry. A brave, but predictable step. I want the flex time to do the things my God asks of me...that is, to be a voice of peace between two disparate groups. I have now idea where this all began in me and will try to address it in future blogs. I do know however that a large part is to be attributed to my dear friend Netto, a native American lesbian that I have known for about 8 years. We both hike in the same canyons daily (hence "canyonwalker") and she kept seeing my Brittany along the trails wondering who this racing fool belonged to. Me. We finally started walking together and a deep friendship have been knitted.
I have always had a heart for social justice and it pains me to think that Netto is conceived of as less than me for her orientation. Ultimately though, God did the picking. He put this heart in me, this mind, this compassion and He gets to direct the most useful path for the manifestation of it.
I really do not know where I will be going to make a difference. I am so open-handed to my God and am so confident that He will direct me. It will be an e-ticket and I am ready...the work is going on to create businesses and learn what I need to learn to be a success in those areas. I am even back in college for a class on Entreprenuerism. I spent yesterday sitting at my desk creating objectives, mission statements and action lists for five areas of my life: personal, travel business, video business, dog walking, and this arena---social justice. I have a lot ahead of me and really am so grateful to Steve for jump starting this for me. I would be months away without him. Now off to bed to read the NY Times--my daily addiction. I did finish every square of the Sunday puzzle and now want to read some sections. It snowed over a foot at my home today and much of the day was spend shoveling my drive and a friends' FAR bigger drive. It makes me appreciate my far smaller house with the less expensive energy bills as well.
Please do interact with me, I love high level conversation. I do not like nastiness, but I will engage in civil discourse. Jesus was kind to detractors, I try to follow Him. Good night moon. Kathy
This blogsite would not be up without the needed help of a sweet friend Steve in MO who shortened my learning curve and just did it for me. Thank you so much you sweet-smiled man!!!
I am creating three streams of income to replace the W-2 income I have had for years in sales in the tech industry. A brave, but predictable step. I want the flex time to do the things my God asks of me...that is, to be a voice of peace between two disparate groups. I have now idea where this all began in me and will try to address it in future blogs. I do know however that a large part is to be attributed to my dear friend Netto, a native American lesbian that I have known for about 8 years. We both hike in the same canyons daily (hence "canyonwalker") and she kept seeing my Brittany along the trails wondering who this racing fool belonged to. Me. We finally started walking together and a deep friendship have been knitted.
I have always had a heart for social justice and it pains me to think that Netto is conceived of as less than me for her orientation. Ultimately though, God did the picking. He put this heart in me, this mind, this compassion and He gets to direct the most useful path for the manifestation of it.
I really do not know where I will be going to make a difference. I am so open-handed to my God and am so confident that He will direct me. It will be an e-ticket and I am ready...the work is going on to create businesses and learn what I need to learn to be a success in those areas. I am even back in college for a class on Entreprenuerism. I spent yesterday sitting at my desk creating objectives, mission statements and action lists for five areas of my life: personal, travel business, video business, dog walking, and this arena---social justice. I have a lot ahead of me and really am so grateful to Steve for jump starting this for me. I would be months away without him. Now off to bed to read the NY Times--my daily addiction. I did finish every square of the Sunday puzzle and now want to read some sections. It snowed over a foot at my home today and much of the day was spend shoveling my drive and a friends' FAR bigger drive. It makes me appreciate my far smaller house with the less expensive energy bills as well.
Please do interact with me, I love high level conversation. I do not like nastiness, but I will engage in civil discourse. Jesus was kind to detractors, I try to follow Him. Good night moon. Kathy
UNCLOGGED/ Reno OUT December 2007
UNCLOGGED
I have a friend staying with me for a few weeks between living situations. I’ve been living alone now for 2 ½ years except for short periods when my college-aged daughter comes home for breaks. Even when Sami is at home, she chooses to luxuriate in my big shower rather than the only other one in the house, the standard-issue one. So, with no one ever using that shower, I knew the first flow after the long dry hiatus would be heavily mineral colored. On his first morning with me, I left Jeff to “his” bathroom and shower and off I went for my hike.
What he encountered became the object lesson for this article. He tried to turn on the faucet and it would not budge. He pulled and unscrewed it and took off the fixture and still the water would not flow. It barely trickled out. So much mineral had built up that the water could not get through the pipe opening. He broke up the deposit, replaced the faucet and prevailed; the shower worked again.
That night, when we sat down for dinner and discussed our day, I was telling him about the lessons I thought I was currently learning in my life. I am trying to “grow up” in many areas that have somehow eluded me and I am taking the challenge of breaking patterns that do not work. A relationship I care about was presenting me with a test: do I mean what I say and will I walk it out even when it is difficult? I say I want people to respect who I am, let me be the free spirit that I am, honor who I am and not try to change me. But am I actually willing to do that for another person? Do I mean what I say even when it is so difficult and I have to be mature and may not get what I want? If we were honest, I can’t imagine that I am much different from the majority. Don’t we each want one set of rules for ourselves and another for the people we deal with?
Then Jeff told me of his experience with my shower and how frustrating it was until he solved the problem and got the water flowing.
This conversation was on my mind when I went to bed that night. I know that when I have not taken the time to process my thoughts when I either walk or at some point during the day, it will linger in the recesses. Often I wake up at 1:30 or 2 a.m. and clarity will come. I draw sketches and can see the threads of the cloth in the still of the night. We each have lingo that works for us. This is mine: when I do not take the time to talk to God, He makes the time to talk to me when nothing else is going on to distract me. That time seems to be the block between 1:30 and 3 a.m.
So, here is the dilemma. . . . how can I possibly honor another person and even myself when I barely have enough flow of love to sustain just me? If I am gasping for air, struggling to find my worth, trying to keep myself from drowning, how can I have anything left to give away?
If I am as clogged up as my shower pipe and have only a trickle coming out, how can I then wash my hands never mind, take a shower? How do I get free enough to not only love me, but have enough left over for you?
I do not claim to be a Niagara Falls of love and acceptance. But, I am also not a clogged pipe. I was, however. How do we each get to be 30, 40 , 50 and beyond and still have only just enough inside ourselves to get by? The route I have taken to this freedom to able to give was not taken with some altruistic goal. I did not have the intention of becoming a conduit of pouring excess caring onto others. I am much too egocentric. The path was journeyed selfishly, because of pain and discontentment with patterns. Patterns that were not working for me, patterns that did not get me where my deepest soul longed to be.
Again, we not only have our own lingo, we have our own mechanisms and methods and ways to express our experiences. If you have been reading my column for these past months, you will know my transport from A to B is the God-train. It has only been by going back and unclogging my pipes, getting rid of the painful deposits, cleaning out the residue of old damaging memories, that I have been able to let an open flow begin. And, not only can I tell that I am changing, people around me can tell. So when a person I care very much about asks me for the consideration to let him be himself without pressure from me, I can actually do that. I don’t need to demand what I want because I have an inner peace and security. I have enough flow coming out of me to be gracious. I could not do this years ago. I was too thirsty myself.
We always hear “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19). Pause on that for a moment. As yourself, as yourself, as yourself. How can I love anyone with appropriate flowing love until I learn to love myself? If I am constantly craving in need, how will I ever have enough to share with anyone? We want to get along, to be more kind to one another, to accept each other for who God individually made us to be-man, woman, straight, gay, of color, white, have, have-nots. We are each one of great value.
It is February, a month we naturally associate with love. Love of our sweethearts, our children, our parents, our friends. But how about ourselves? It is not narcissistic to put some time and effort towards self-love. When I learn to honor myself and grow and stretch and clean up my act, I will do so much better in my dealings with others. I love the thought of “loving other people to life”. I can only do that when I have enough excess to give out. I have a list of many that I love and honor: Andrew, Sami, Roberta, Sue, Robin, Julia, Marlene, Bill, Chris, Netto, Deb, I really could go on and on and on. The blessing of relationships in my life would fill the page. Easily. I want to pour down on these people and strangers and can because I am opening to it. So, be honest with yourself, look at the things that aren’t working for you and find a way to unclog the pipes. You’ll feel so much better, you’ll be easier to be around and the excess will over flow to a thirsty world in need of love. Have a wonderful February and cascade love down on those you treasure; the hard work to get there is worth it.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
I have a friend staying with me for a few weeks between living situations. I’ve been living alone now for 2 ½ years except for short periods when my college-aged daughter comes home for breaks. Even when Sami is at home, she chooses to luxuriate in my big shower rather than the only other one in the house, the standard-issue one. So, with no one ever using that shower, I knew the first flow after the long dry hiatus would be heavily mineral colored. On his first morning with me, I left Jeff to “his” bathroom and shower and off I went for my hike.
What he encountered became the object lesson for this article. He tried to turn on the faucet and it would not budge. He pulled and unscrewed it and took off the fixture and still the water would not flow. It barely trickled out. So much mineral had built up that the water could not get through the pipe opening. He broke up the deposit, replaced the faucet and prevailed; the shower worked again.
That night, when we sat down for dinner and discussed our day, I was telling him about the lessons I thought I was currently learning in my life. I am trying to “grow up” in many areas that have somehow eluded me and I am taking the challenge of breaking patterns that do not work. A relationship I care about was presenting me with a test: do I mean what I say and will I walk it out even when it is difficult? I say I want people to respect who I am, let me be the free spirit that I am, honor who I am and not try to change me. But am I actually willing to do that for another person? Do I mean what I say even when it is so difficult and I have to be mature and may not get what I want? If we were honest, I can’t imagine that I am much different from the majority. Don’t we each want one set of rules for ourselves and another for the people we deal with?
Then Jeff told me of his experience with my shower and how frustrating it was until he solved the problem and got the water flowing.
This conversation was on my mind when I went to bed that night. I know that when I have not taken the time to process my thoughts when I either walk or at some point during the day, it will linger in the recesses. Often I wake up at 1:30 or 2 a.m. and clarity will come. I draw sketches and can see the threads of the cloth in the still of the night. We each have lingo that works for us. This is mine: when I do not take the time to talk to God, He makes the time to talk to me when nothing else is going on to distract me. That time seems to be the block between 1:30 and 3 a.m.
So, here is the dilemma. . . . how can I possibly honor another person and even myself when I barely have enough flow of love to sustain just me? If I am gasping for air, struggling to find my worth, trying to keep myself from drowning, how can I have anything left to give away?
If I am as clogged up as my shower pipe and have only a trickle coming out, how can I then wash my hands never mind, take a shower? How do I get free enough to not only love me, but have enough left over for you?
I do not claim to be a Niagara Falls of love and acceptance. But, I am also not a clogged pipe. I was, however. How do we each get to be 30, 40 , 50 and beyond and still have only just enough inside ourselves to get by? The route I have taken to this freedom to able to give was not taken with some altruistic goal. I did not have the intention of becoming a conduit of pouring excess caring onto others. I am much too egocentric. The path was journeyed selfishly, because of pain and discontentment with patterns. Patterns that were not working for me, patterns that did not get me where my deepest soul longed to be.
Again, we not only have our own lingo, we have our own mechanisms and methods and ways to express our experiences. If you have been reading my column for these past months, you will know my transport from A to B is the God-train. It has only been by going back and unclogging my pipes, getting rid of the painful deposits, cleaning out the residue of old damaging memories, that I have been able to let an open flow begin. And, not only can I tell that I am changing, people around me can tell. So when a person I care very much about asks me for the consideration to let him be himself without pressure from me, I can actually do that. I don’t need to demand what I want because I have an inner peace and security. I have enough flow coming out of me to be gracious. I could not do this years ago. I was too thirsty myself.
We always hear “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19). Pause on that for a moment. As yourself, as yourself, as yourself. How can I love anyone with appropriate flowing love until I learn to love myself? If I am constantly craving in need, how will I ever have enough to share with anyone? We want to get along, to be more kind to one another, to accept each other for who God individually made us to be-man, woman, straight, gay, of color, white, have, have-nots. We are each one of great value.
It is February, a month we naturally associate with love. Love of our sweethearts, our children, our parents, our friends. But how about ourselves? It is not narcissistic to put some time and effort towards self-love. When I learn to honor myself and grow and stretch and clean up my act, I will do so much better in my dealings with others. I love the thought of “loving other people to life”. I can only do that when I have enough excess to give out. I have a list of many that I love and honor: Andrew, Sami, Roberta, Sue, Robin, Julia, Marlene, Bill, Chris, Netto, Deb, I really could go on and on and on. The blessing of relationships in my life would fill the page. Easily. I want to pour down on these people and strangers and can because I am opening to it. So, be honest with yourself, look at the things that aren’t working for you and find a way to unclog the pipes. You’ll feel so much better, you’ll be easier to be around and the excess will over flow to a thirsty world in need of love. Have a wonderful February and cascade love down on those you treasure; the hard work to get there is worth it.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
WHOSOEVER/ Reno OUT Jan 2008
WHOSOEVER
I am on plane coming back from four days in Washington, D.C. where I joined in a conference with my gay brothers and sisters at the annual Gay Christian Network Conference. I cried; I cried a lot. Not so much at the stories this year as I did last year. What I found myself crying at was just the sight of looking around the room during worship or during small group seminars and seeing the faces of men and women that call themselves by a title that some say is not possible—gay Christian. If you too struggle with the term, please go back and read some of my supporting columns in back issues or e-mail me and I will send you previous writings. You know…. I just don’t want to keep on defending my position on this one. You CAN be gay and Christian. I just want to move on from these conversations that many people get stuck in. Some in the Christian community will boldly declare you cannot have a same gender attraction and ever see the gates of Heaven. Some gays will just as strongly declare that God is hateful and too demanding to ever care about them. Both are wrong.
Remember the John 3:16 rainbow wigged guy at every sporting event in the 70’s and 80’s? Did you ever take the time to read that passage of scripture? It says “WHOSOEVER call on the name of Jesus Christ shall not perish, but have eternal life” Whosoever. No caveat, no conditions, no prerequisite. I was at a Holiday Inn in Alexandria with a bunch of “whosoevers” About 300 whosoevers. They love God, they sing to Him in worship, they talk about Him, they thank Him, they cry to Him for help, they run to Him for healings when others reject them, they read His Word, they follow Him , they need Him. And, they are gay. They are not excluded from the benefits of a relationship with God. They are beautiful people and they are my friends.
In my mind, it is no longer an issue to be argued about, although I know I will be having this conversation for years to come. The two words gay and Christian combine easily in my head. To me this is an issue of social justice. Do I care enough about the rights of my fellow humans to stand up for a group when I see that treatment is not equal? Yes, I do. While in D.C., I wanted to specifically visit the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial. A friend said I would totally dig it, and she was right. I stared at the words carved in marble throughout the different outdoor rooms. Powerful words spoken by a man who clearly understood justice. Consider these two inscriptions:
“We must scrupulously guard the civil rights and civil liberties of all citizens whatever their background and we must remember that any oppression, any injustice, any hatred is a wedge designed to attack our civilization”
“In these days of difficulties, we Americans must and shall choose the path of social justice…the path of faith, the path of hope, the path of love toward our fellow man.”
Powerful words. And what do I as a Christian who follows the most radical social justice advocate of all time, Jesus, choose to do? I choose to try to be a voice for a group of people when sometimes their voice is negated. That is what I do think Jesus would do. It SHOULD be Christians at the forefront of EVERY social justice issue fighting for people who are not heard, whosoever they are. This is often not the case. We are very guilty of cutting your community out because you appear to not be adhering to a select five verses in the Bible translated with the word “homosexual”. Please, let me point to the many verses I do not adhere to. So, for me, it is not a purity contest. It really is about: am I willing to accept you, let you be you and stand up for you against any kind of attack? Yes, I am.
I sat for hours talking with people I met at the conference in Seattle last year; I have kept up with them on line throughout the year. I met so many new wonderful people. There were about 275 men and 25 women there; there were Catholics, Baptists, Evangelicals, Episcopalians, Greek Orthodox, Methodists, Presbyterians, Metropolitan Church of Christ, people that were out in their churches, people that were not out, couples, singles, old, young, Americans, Canadians, Brits, Australians, black, white, Hispanic and, everyone got along. I have never been in a more eclectic group and I have not seen such a diverse religious backgrounds group get along this well. The hotel staff said they had never had a more polite and tidy church group as guests. Yeah…go figure….275 tidy gay men? What a surprise.
I get to just be a different voice inviting you to the table where maybe you feel you have been shut out by prejudice. Many of you grew up in some church denomination and once you figured out you were gay, you may have felt you needed to choose between your orientation and God. You don’t have to choose. If you are a whosoever, the table is set for you too. There are a lot of churches that will make you feel uncomfortable when you walk in and declare yourself as gay, lesbian or trans. In the Reno area, go to www.jesuslightofthesoul.com and you will start the journey to or back to the loving God that never left you. He has a place for you at His table even if the church of your youth doesn’t. I do know that God cares about this injustice; He is raising up people who see “the path of faith, the path of hope, the path of love toward our fellow man.” It may take awhile, but it is coming. Come on you whosoever, there is a place set for you at God’s table and the banquet is starting. Whatever it is that you are longing for is at that table. Join me.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
January 6, 2008
I am on plane coming back from four days in Washington, D.C. where I joined in a conference with my gay brothers and sisters at the annual Gay Christian Network Conference. I cried; I cried a lot. Not so much at the stories this year as I did last year. What I found myself crying at was just the sight of looking around the room during worship or during small group seminars and seeing the faces of men and women that call themselves by a title that some say is not possible—gay Christian. If you too struggle with the term, please go back and read some of my supporting columns in back issues or e-mail me and I will send you previous writings. You know…. I just don’t want to keep on defending my position on this one. You CAN be gay and Christian. I just want to move on from these conversations that many people get stuck in. Some in the Christian community will boldly declare you cannot have a same gender attraction and ever see the gates of Heaven. Some gays will just as strongly declare that God is hateful and too demanding to ever care about them. Both are wrong.
Remember the John 3:16 rainbow wigged guy at every sporting event in the 70’s and 80’s? Did you ever take the time to read that passage of scripture? It says “WHOSOEVER call on the name of Jesus Christ shall not perish, but have eternal life” Whosoever. No caveat, no conditions, no prerequisite. I was at a Holiday Inn in Alexandria with a bunch of “whosoevers” About 300 whosoevers. They love God, they sing to Him in worship, they talk about Him, they thank Him, they cry to Him for help, they run to Him for healings when others reject them, they read His Word, they follow Him , they need Him. And, they are gay. They are not excluded from the benefits of a relationship with God. They are beautiful people and they are my friends.
In my mind, it is no longer an issue to be argued about, although I know I will be having this conversation for years to come. The two words gay and Christian combine easily in my head. To me this is an issue of social justice. Do I care enough about the rights of my fellow humans to stand up for a group when I see that treatment is not equal? Yes, I do. While in D.C., I wanted to specifically visit the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial. A friend said I would totally dig it, and she was right. I stared at the words carved in marble throughout the different outdoor rooms. Powerful words spoken by a man who clearly understood justice. Consider these two inscriptions:
“We must scrupulously guard the civil rights and civil liberties of all citizens whatever their background and we must remember that any oppression, any injustice, any hatred is a wedge designed to attack our civilization”
“In these days of difficulties, we Americans must and shall choose the path of social justice…the path of faith, the path of hope, the path of love toward our fellow man.”
Powerful words. And what do I as a Christian who follows the most radical social justice advocate of all time, Jesus, choose to do? I choose to try to be a voice for a group of people when sometimes their voice is negated. That is what I do think Jesus would do. It SHOULD be Christians at the forefront of EVERY social justice issue fighting for people who are not heard, whosoever they are. This is often not the case. We are very guilty of cutting your community out because you appear to not be adhering to a select five verses in the Bible translated with the word “homosexual”. Please, let me point to the many verses I do not adhere to. So, for me, it is not a purity contest. It really is about: am I willing to accept you, let you be you and stand up for you against any kind of attack? Yes, I am.
I sat for hours talking with people I met at the conference in Seattle last year; I have kept up with them on line throughout the year. I met so many new wonderful people. There were about 275 men and 25 women there; there were Catholics, Baptists, Evangelicals, Episcopalians, Greek Orthodox, Methodists, Presbyterians, Metropolitan Church of Christ, people that were out in their churches, people that were not out, couples, singles, old, young, Americans, Canadians, Brits, Australians, black, white, Hispanic and, everyone got along. I have never been in a more eclectic group and I have not seen such a diverse religious backgrounds group get along this well. The hotel staff said they had never had a more polite and tidy church group as guests. Yeah…go figure….275 tidy gay men? What a surprise.
I get to just be a different voice inviting you to the table where maybe you feel you have been shut out by prejudice. Many of you grew up in some church denomination and once you figured out you were gay, you may have felt you needed to choose between your orientation and God. You don’t have to choose. If you are a whosoever, the table is set for you too. There are a lot of churches that will make you feel uncomfortable when you walk in and declare yourself as gay, lesbian or trans. In the Reno area, go to www.jesuslightofthesoul.com and you will start the journey to or back to the loving God that never left you. He has a place for you at His table even if the church of your youth doesn’t. I do know that God cares about this injustice; He is raising up people who see “the path of faith, the path of hope, the path of love toward our fellow man.” It may take awhile, but it is coming. Come on you whosoever, there is a place set for you at God’s table and the banquet is starting. Whatever it is that you are longing for is at that table. Join me.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
January 6, 2008
CANYONWALKING/ Reno OUT magazine 2008
CANYONWALKING
My screen name for years had been a variation on “canyonwalker”. About eight years ago, my daughter Sami, frustrated that I knew nothing of the internet or e-mail decided I needed to be jettisoned into the 90’s. “Come on Mom. Just pick a name that describes you, something unique to you.” The only thing I knew I did all the time that fit the prompting was hiking. I go to the nearby canyons everyday, so that became my moniker.
It has turned out to be an apt description for many areas of my life. Not only do I hike with my dogs each day in the nearby hills and forests, I have also come to walk between two disparate groups. My name is now an apt designation for a positional stance. Sadly, there is often a great divide between the gay and straight communities. I walk in the space between them trying to find a place to meet, a place to talk, a place to dispel wrong thinking and fears. From both sides.
The opportunities to make some significant impacts have been coming my way more often and with potentially greater effect. How does a person rise to accept those offers and still maintain a life filled with an 8 to 5 job, friends, a home to upkeep and personal interests? How can you fit one more thing in your already full hands? Easy answer, hard solution. You let go of some things. It has become clear to me over the past several months that my daily schedule doesn’t allow for the things my heart and my passions tell me to do. There are conferences I want to go to, projects I want to promote, speeches I want to give, gay kids out on the streets I want to talk with an make a documentary about, and eventually a book I need to write. My hands are way too full for these important dreams.
I am just a human, who, like the rest of you, cannot see into the future BUT I believe in a God who can. A dear friend challenged me in September “if you really want to know what God wants to do with your life, surrender all parts of it.” What?! I have had experiences in handing over pieces in the past, big chunks, but not ALL. I sat in my home office one day in September, September 30th to be precise, and went through the areas of my life that I care about: my relationships, children, future partner, home, recreation, work, creative expressions, faith and intellectual pursuits. One by one, I imagined each in my hands and let them go. I have the faith to believe that the One I release them to has my better interest in mind. Oh….was that a tough exercise. I even have to daily remind myself with a significantly sized “note to self” on my bathroom mirror. I want to grab things back, often, but I resist. I still know that the God I serve sees where I can’t into the future and to the far bigger picture.
I had a two year plan in June of 2007 and, as I write this in February 2008, only eight months have passed. My two year plan has been shortened. By May of 2009, I wanted to be out of an 8 to 5 job and managing my own time and creating my own income so that I could follow my passions. Three days ago, I resigned from my job. A job working in sales for people I very much respect, with people I very much enjoy doing what I think I am built for—sales. The conversation could not have gone better. My employer saw this coming long before even I did. He said he was honored to be able to bless me and release me to a bigger purpose. How often does that happen? They are working with me on a favorable transition while I create three home-based businesses.
So, the screen name may daughter pushed me to pick all those years ago have become somewhat prophetic. I will be making my living at an odd combinations of travel, dog sitting (those lucky hounds will be hiking daily with me!) and video marketing and messaging. This will all allow me to ultimately do what I do believe my legacy will be: a canyonwalker between two divergent communities drawing people closer to a common point of respect and relationship.
It is a bit daunting to leave stability to walk towards the unknown. I think I have been given some giftings that people choose to follow. “He that thinks he leads and has no one following him is only taking a walk.” (John Maxwell) I want the walks I take to transform into parades, parades of people caring about social justice.
I believe we all have passions in us, but not all of us will follow them. You may be at a time in your life when the push to create a new way has a stronger draw than the safety of the known. It is then that we may take the chance and venture out. This months’ issue is about travel. Travel is not just about going to a whole new geography. It’s been said that the most difficult trip to take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart. How can you be brave enough to venture that long journey? Martin Luther King said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” The greatest journey you ever take may be the shift inside that causes a new direction while standing in the same geography.
Want to know what you are built for? Pick up “The Passion Test” by Janet Atwood. I had already made my choice to resign when my pal Norma sat me down and did the passion test on me. The results astounded me: shifting peoples’ thinking, compassion, kindness, social justice, evangelism, adventure, fun, travel, outdoors sports, entertaining in my home, high level conversation, reading, speaking, connecting people and learning. These are the things in order that drive me, the things that make me tick. And now I am going to get to do them.
A friend of mine is built to travel the seas, crewing sailboats, big ones. He is currently working at a sewage treatment plant. This week he was given the opportunity to go to sea again. Go for it, I say. Follow your passions. I opened my hands willingly (finally) and what has come back is a chance to live out my passions. The space between opening my fists and watching what comes back is scary. But now, I am off to travel this road, this canyon, daily. And I am grateful for those who believed in me and encouraged me to do the right things.
Kathy Baldock, Canyonwalker
February 10, 2008
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
My screen name for years had been a variation on “canyonwalker”. About eight years ago, my daughter Sami, frustrated that I knew nothing of the internet or e-mail decided I needed to be jettisoned into the 90’s. “Come on Mom. Just pick a name that describes you, something unique to you.” The only thing I knew I did all the time that fit the prompting was hiking. I go to the nearby canyons everyday, so that became my moniker.
It has turned out to be an apt description for many areas of my life. Not only do I hike with my dogs each day in the nearby hills and forests, I have also come to walk between two disparate groups. My name is now an apt designation for a positional stance. Sadly, there is often a great divide between the gay and straight communities. I walk in the space between them trying to find a place to meet, a place to talk, a place to dispel wrong thinking and fears. From both sides.
The opportunities to make some significant impacts have been coming my way more often and with potentially greater effect. How does a person rise to accept those offers and still maintain a life filled with an 8 to 5 job, friends, a home to upkeep and personal interests? How can you fit one more thing in your already full hands? Easy answer, hard solution. You let go of some things. It has become clear to me over the past several months that my daily schedule doesn’t allow for the things my heart and my passions tell me to do. There are conferences I want to go to, projects I want to promote, speeches I want to give, gay kids out on the streets I want to talk with an make a documentary about, and eventually a book I need to write. My hands are way too full for these important dreams.
I am just a human, who, like the rest of you, cannot see into the future BUT I believe in a God who can. A dear friend challenged me in September “if you really want to know what God wants to do with your life, surrender all parts of it.” What?! I have had experiences in handing over pieces in the past, big chunks, but not ALL. I sat in my home office one day in September, September 30th to be precise, and went through the areas of my life that I care about: my relationships, children, future partner, home, recreation, work, creative expressions, faith and intellectual pursuits. One by one, I imagined each in my hands and let them go. I have the faith to believe that the One I release them to has my better interest in mind. Oh….was that a tough exercise. I even have to daily remind myself with a significantly sized “note to self” on my bathroom mirror. I want to grab things back, often, but I resist. I still know that the God I serve sees where I can’t into the future and to the far bigger picture.
I had a two year plan in June of 2007 and, as I write this in February 2008, only eight months have passed. My two year plan has been shortened. By May of 2009, I wanted to be out of an 8 to 5 job and managing my own time and creating my own income so that I could follow my passions. Three days ago, I resigned from my job. A job working in sales for people I very much respect, with people I very much enjoy doing what I think I am built for—sales. The conversation could not have gone better. My employer saw this coming long before even I did. He said he was honored to be able to bless me and release me to a bigger purpose. How often does that happen? They are working with me on a favorable transition while I create three home-based businesses.
So, the screen name may daughter pushed me to pick all those years ago have become somewhat prophetic. I will be making my living at an odd combinations of travel, dog sitting (those lucky hounds will be hiking daily with me!) and video marketing and messaging. This will all allow me to ultimately do what I do believe my legacy will be: a canyonwalker between two divergent communities drawing people closer to a common point of respect and relationship.
It is a bit daunting to leave stability to walk towards the unknown. I think I have been given some giftings that people choose to follow. “He that thinks he leads and has no one following him is only taking a walk.” (John Maxwell) I want the walks I take to transform into parades, parades of people caring about social justice.
I believe we all have passions in us, but not all of us will follow them. You may be at a time in your life when the push to create a new way has a stronger draw than the safety of the known. It is then that we may take the chance and venture out. This months’ issue is about travel. Travel is not just about going to a whole new geography. It’s been said that the most difficult trip to take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart. How can you be brave enough to venture that long journey? Martin Luther King said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” The greatest journey you ever take may be the shift inside that causes a new direction while standing in the same geography.
Want to know what you are built for? Pick up “The Passion Test” by Janet Atwood. I had already made my choice to resign when my pal Norma sat me down and did the passion test on me. The results astounded me: shifting peoples’ thinking, compassion, kindness, social justice, evangelism, adventure, fun, travel, outdoors sports, entertaining in my home, high level conversation, reading, speaking, connecting people and learning. These are the things in order that drive me, the things that make me tick. And now I am going to get to do them.
A friend of mine is built to travel the seas, crewing sailboats, big ones. He is currently working at a sewage treatment plant. This week he was given the opportunity to go to sea again. Go for it, I say. Follow your passions. I opened my hands willingly (finally) and what has come back is a chance to live out my passions. The space between opening my fists and watching what comes back is scary. But now, I am off to travel this road, this canyon, daily. And I am grateful for those who believed in me and encouraged me to do the right things.
Kathy Baldock, Canyonwalker
February 10, 2008
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
