CANYONWALKING
My screen name for years had been a variation on “canyonwalker”. About eight years ago, my daughter Sami, frustrated that I knew nothing of the internet or e-mail decided I needed to be jettisoned into the 90’s. “Come on Mom. Just pick a name that describes you, something unique to you.” The only thing I knew I did all the time that fit the prompting was hiking. I go to the nearby canyons everyday, so that became my moniker.
It has turned out to be an apt description for many areas of my life. Not only do I hike with my dogs each day in the nearby hills and forests, I have also come to walk between two disparate groups. My name is now an apt designation for a positional stance. Sadly, there is often a great divide between the gay and straight communities. I walk in the space between them trying to find a place to meet, a place to talk, a place to dispel wrong thinking and fears. From both sides.
The opportunities to make some significant impacts have been coming my way more often and with potentially greater effect. How does a person rise to accept those offers and still maintain a life filled with an 8 to 5 job, friends, a home to upkeep and personal interests? How can you fit one more thing in your already full hands? Easy answer, hard solution. You let go of some things. It has become clear to me over the past several months that my daily schedule doesn’t allow for the things my heart and my passions tell me to do. There are conferences I want to go to, projects I want to promote, speeches I want to give, gay kids out on the streets I want to talk with an make a documentary about, and eventually a book I need to write. My hands are way too full for these important dreams.
I am just a human, who, like the rest of you, cannot see into the future BUT I believe in a God who can. A dear friend challenged me in September “if you really want to know what God wants to do with your life, surrender all parts of it.” What?! I have had experiences in handing over pieces in the past, big chunks, but not ALL. I sat in my home office one day in September, September 30th to be precise, and went through the areas of my life that I care about: my relationships, children, future partner, home, recreation, work, creative expressions, faith and intellectual pursuits. One by one, I imagined each in my hands and let them go. I have the faith to believe that the One I release them to has my better interest in mind. Oh….was that a tough exercise. I even have to daily remind myself with a significantly sized “note to self” on my bathroom mirror. I want to grab things back, often, but I resist. I still know that the God I serve sees where I can’t into the future and to the far bigger picture.
I had a two year plan in June of 2007 and, as I write this in February 2008, only eight months have passed. My two year plan has been shortened. By May of 2009, I wanted to be out of an 8 to 5 job and managing my own time and creating my own income so that I could follow my passions. Three days ago, I resigned from my job. A job working in sales for people I very much respect, with people I very much enjoy doing what I think I am built for—sales. The conversation could not have gone better. My employer saw this coming long before even I did. He said he was honored to be able to bless me and release me to a bigger purpose. How often does that happen? They are working with me on a favorable transition while I create three home-based businesses.
So, the screen name may daughter pushed me to pick all those years ago have become somewhat prophetic. I will be making my living at an odd combinations of travel, dog sitting (those lucky hounds will be hiking daily with me!) and video marketing and messaging. This will all allow me to ultimately do what I do believe my legacy will be: a canyonwalker between two divergent communities drawing people closer to a common point of respect and relationship.
It is a bit daunting to leave stability to walk towards the unknown. I think I have been given some giftings that people choose to follow. “He that thinks he leads and has no one following him is only taking a walk.” (John Maxwell) I want the walks I take to transform into parades, parades of people caring about social justice.
I believe we all have passions in us, but not all of us will follow them. You may be at a time in your life when the push to create a new way has a stronger draw than the safety of the known. It is then that we may take the chance and venture out. This months’ issue is about travel. Travel is not just about going to a whole new geography. It’s been said that the most difficult trip to take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart. How can you be brave enough to venture that long journey? Martin Luther King said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” The greatest journey you ever take may be the shift inside that causes a new direction while standing in the same geography.
Want to know what you are built for? Pick up “The Passion Test” by Janet Atwood. I had already made my choice to resign when my pal Norma sat me down and did the passion test on me. The results astounded me: shifting peoples’ thinking, compassion, kindness, social justice, evangelism, adventure, fun, travel, outdoors sports, entertaining in my home, high level conversation, reading, speaking, connecting people and learning. These are the things in order that drive me, the things that make me tick. And now I am going to get to do them.
A friend of mine is built to travel the seas, crewing sailboats, big ones. He is currently working at a sewage treatment plant. This week he was given the opportunity to go to sea again. Go for it, I say. Follow your passions. I opened my hands willingly (finally) and what has come back is a chance to live out my passions. The space between opening my fists and watching what comes back is scary. But now, I am off to travel this road, this canyon, daily. And I am grateful for those who believed in me and encouraged me to do the right things.
Kathy Baldock, Canyonwalker
February 10, 2008
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment