UNCLOGGED
I have a friend staying with me for a few weeks between living situations. I’ve been living alone now for 2 ½ years except for short periods when my college-aged daughter comes home for breaks. Even when Sami is at home, she chooses to luxuriate in my big shower rather than the only other one in the house, the standard-issue one. So, with no one ever using that shower, I knew the first flow after the long dry hiatus would be heavily mineral colored. On his first morning with me, I left Jeff to “his” bathroom and shower and off I went for my hike.
What he encountered became the object lesson for this article. He tried to turn on the faucet and it would not budge. He pulled and unscrewed it and took off the fixture and still the water would not flow. It barely trickled out. So much mineral had built up that the water could not get through the pipe opening. He broke up the deposit, replaced the faucet and prevailed; the shower worked again.
That night, when we sat down for dinner and discussed our day, I was telling him about the lessons I thought I was currently learning in my life. I am trying to “grow up” in many areas that have somehow eluded me and I am taking the challenge of breaking patterns that do not work. A relationship I care about was presenting me with a test: do I mean what I say and will I walk it out even when it is difficult? I say I want people to respect who I am, let me be the free spirit that I am, honor who I am and not try to change me. But am I actually willing to do that for another person? Do I mean what I say even when it is so difficult and I have to be mature and may not get what I want? If we were honest, I can’t imagine that I am much different from the majority. Don’t we each want one set of rules for ourselves and another for the people we deal with?
Then Jeff told me of his experience with my shower and how frustrating it was until he solved the problem and got the water flowing.
This conversation was on my mind when I went to bed that night. I know that when I have not taken the time to process my thoughts when I either walk or at some point during the day, it will linger in the recesses. Often I wake up at 1:30 or 2 a.m. and clarity will come. I draw sketches and can see the threads of the cloth in the still of the night. We each have lingo that works for us. This is mine: when I do not take the time to talk to God, He makes the time to talk to me when nothing else is going on to distract me. That time seems to be the block between 1:30 and 3 a.m.
So, here is the dilemma. . . . how can I possibly honor another person and even myself when I barely have enough flow of love to sustain just me? If I am gasping for air, struggling to find my worth, trying to keep myself from drowning, how can I have anything left to give away?
If I am as clogged up as my shower pipe and have only a trickle coming out, how can I then wash my hands never mind, take a shower? How do I get free enough to not only love me, but have enough left over for you?
I do not claim to be a Niagara Falls of love and acceptance. But, I am also not a clogged pipe. I was, however. How do we each get to be 30, 40 , 50 and beyond and still have only just enough inside ourselves to get by? The route I have taken to this freedom to able to give was not taken with some altruistic goal. I did not have the intention of becoming a conduit of pouring excess caring onto others. I am much too egocentric. The path was journeyed selfishly, because of pain and discontentment with patterns. Patterns that were not working for me, patterns that did not get me where my deepest soul longed to be.
Again, we not only have our own lingo, we have our own mechanisms and methods and ways to express our experiences. If you have been reading my column for these past months, you will know my transport from A to B is the God-train. It has only been by going back and unclogging my pipes, getting rid of the painful deposits, cleaning out the residue of old damaging memories, that I have been able to let an open flow begin. And, not only can I tell that I am changing, people around me can tell. So when a person I care very much about asks me for the consideration to let him be himself without pressure from me, I can actually do that. I don’t need to demand what I want because I have an inner peace and security. I have enough flow coming out of me to be gracious. I could not do this years ago. I was too thirsty myself.
We always hear “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19). Pause on that for a moment. As yourself, as yourself, as yourself. How can I love anyone with appropriate flowing love until I learn to love myself? If I am constantly craving in need, how will I ever have enough to share with anyone? We want to get along, to be more kind to one another, to accept each other for who God individually made us to be-man, woman, straight, gay, of color, white, have, have-nots. We are each one of great value.
It is February, a month we naturally associate with love. Love of our sweethearts, our children, our parents, our friends. But how about ourselves? It is not narcissistic to put some time and effort towards self-love. When I learn to honor myself and grow and stretch and clean up my act, I will do so much better in my dealings with others. I love the thought of “loving other people to life”. I can only do that when I have enough excess to give out. I have a list of many that I love and honor: Andrew, Sami, Roberta, Sue, Robin, Julia, Marlene, Bill, Chris, Netto, Deb, I really could go on and on and on. The blessing of relationships in my life would fill the page. Easily. I want to pour down on these people and strangers and can because I am opening to it. So, be honest with yourself, look at the things that aren’t working for you and find a way to unclog the pipes. You’ll feel so much better, you’ll be easier to be around and the excess will over flow to a thirsty world in need of love. Have a wonderful February and cascade love down on those you treasure; the hard work to get there is worth it.
Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com
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