GRACE/ Reno OUT November 2007

GRACE

When things seem a jumble yet somehow connected, a lesson is coming if I stay still enough to listen and embrace it. I was sharing some frustrating situations with RENO OUT editor, Laura Grotz, on a recent hike. She suggested I turn that frustration into an article. I couldn’t figure out where the connection was without just complaining. Now it has come together. And the glue? Grace -- the gift of it and the lack of it.

Grace is mercy, love and kindness extended to a person or from a person when it is not “deserved”. It is simply given with no expectation of return. It is the antithesis of Karma: the belief that what goes around comes around. Conversely, no conditions are set with the extension of grace.

I have experienced two incidents in the past month where grace did not operate well. I try to walk a knife’s edge between the gay community and the Christian community reaching into both segments with truth, kindness, respect and humility. In other words, grace. I say try. I do not always succeed.

Incident One: I heard that a gay man had formulated inaccurate opinions of my gender orientation, my agenda and me. I welcomed a time to discuss it all, hoping for clarification on both sides. Easy, I thought. Who could possibly misinterpret me, given time to openly speak directly with me? We parted after an hour’s conversation. An exchange I found to be fairly frustrating. He did not “get” me. My heart was not seen. And how do I know this? Within a few weeks, two friends of mine overheard a mocking conversation between the same man and a person from my past . . . me being the subject. The language used and assessments made most certainly did not include grace extended.

Incident Two: I was asked to co-found a business group of Christian business women. I’m the one with a bank account rich in social capital. I know people. Easy, I thought. What better than like-minded business women coming together in a spiritual setting? Three days after the initial successful meeting of 17 people, the e-mails started populating from the other leader. Concerns had been raised by another member. Why did I not state that a “known lesbian” was on my invitation list? Was I hiding this fact? What was my agenda? Did I believe sexual sin was okay? Would I, as a personal favor, please not invite any lesbians to the group? When did I plan on telling these women about the sin in their lives? This all stunned me. Again, I thought, if we just discuss this openly, bring it to the group, settle on a mission statement, then approach policy, understanding would certainly follow. What kind of group were we to be? If we were going to be the “purity police” then even I couldn’t attend. I stood my ground on my core beliefs of grace. Again, the arguers did not “get” me. Again, my heart was not seen. And how do I know this? I was kicked out of the group I co-founded for my belief that one can be gay and Christian. The policy set to exclude me for my tenets and my lesbian friends for their orientation most certainly did not include grace.

Two teams. Two incidents. Two situations lacking grace. I have been somehow placed in a center position to see both sides and, not only do both sides sometimes act well, they both also act badly. I contend, however, that “my team” is the bigger failure. We are the ones with Captain Jesus. We are the one who are to love, love, and love some more. To extend grace, grace, and then some more. That is not only possible, but it is mandated. The Supreme Grace-Giver, God, has treated us with kindness and mercy and then we are expected to reflect it. The flow goes like this: God gives me grace when I do not deserve it. I am then to get rid of my self-righteousness because I know I am no more deserving then anyone else. Then, I am to, in humility, extend it to others. It doesn’t always work that way, unfortunately.

Some kind of disconnect has occurred in the process here. I apologize several times a week for the gap that exists between grace extended by God and grace withheld by His people. The majority of the people I surround myself with behave as I do. They are kind people. People who give without expecting return. They serve in the most amazing places without expectation. They work with the homeless, people with AIDS, the immigrant community, the sick, the addicts, the emotionally needy. They are wonderful business people; they reflect Jesus well. If I were to do it right, I would have a life of humble service on this earth. If, if, if.

I know damage has been done to your community with words and actions. Too many people validate the non-extension of grace by the oft-repeated verse thought to be in the Bible: “love the sinner, hate the sin”. (It was actually stated by Mahatma Gandhi and first conceived by Saint Augustine.) We could stop at the first part of the phrase or even the first word and have enough challenge for life.

January is a time for reflection and renewal. Can both teams walk to the middle? Can we each play fairly? Can the two teams shake hands in center field? Can we try to extend grace to the other team? I am trying to get my team to play a bit better. We have a playbook called the Bible. I seek to be the version you don’t need to read. I want to just be it. I know the book is filled with truth. I know it is filled with instruction on how to love, how to be a better citizen.

Let’s find ways to play well with others. We do not need to look to the Middle East and point at their strife. We each, including me, can look in our mirrors. Random acts of grace in 2008. Go team!

Kathy Baldock
kathybaldock@helloworld.com