(IN)TOLERANCE

(IN) TOLERANCE

By the time this article is published, we will know who our next President will be. About half of us will be disappointed and the rest elated. Right now however, when I open my inbox, there is usually some political propaganda in there. Someone trying to convince me how unsuitable and evil the “other guy” is. One e-mail today really irritated me. It was so clearly cut and edited and out of context and demonized one candidate. Now, this is my own particular view, but I am more offended when people use and quote the Bible using some unfounded authority to attack another person. I wholly understand wanting to adhere to standards, but doesn’t it seem crazy to attack other people with a book based on love?

I have conversations almost daily in person or online with people who want to argue with me about what I say in vlogs or attack me for my beliefs. I do get many wonderful and grateful comments, but I also get called lots of nasty names, assumptions are made about me and people disagree in quite unkind ways. I think I can say this in honesty: I have not attacked back; I have not succumbed to name-calling and have not disrespected anyone for expressing their viewpoint. Can you say that? After all, we are an intolerant people. And it goes in all directions. Black, white. Native born, immigrant. Gay, straight. Jew, Muslim. Man, woman. Democrat, Republican. Working, not working. Fit, fat. Ugh . . . why are we so busy being arrogant and thinking our way is the way? Intolerance is bigotry. People will hold different ideas politically, socially, in religion, emotionally. That is the stage set before and behind us. How I respond to other-thinking people is what determines my intolerance-temperature. It determines if I am bigoted.

I have never hidden in these monthly articles that I am a devote Christian. I am not proud of the treatment of the gay community by the church at large. Some co-believers get it a bit twisted and try to strong arm you to act just the way we do. That is not my job, not our job. When I tell challengers that I know hundreds of gay Christians, they tell me that is not possible and I should be somehow straightening this group out rather than defend them. Hmmmm . . . that is not what I see in the Bible. This is what I see “Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently. If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.” (Romans) Interesting isn’t it? God tells me He is big enough to talk to you and correct you where He wants to do the correcting if the two of you have a conversation about it. The sign-holding haters at the San Francisco Gay Pride parade must have missed these verses. The woman who kicked me out of a Christian Business Women’s group for my desire to allow gay Christians to attend must have missed these verses. Lots of well-intentioned people have missed these verses.

I was having lunch yesterday after I went to church with two friends who happened to be lesbians and I was explaining how I view emotional healing and what I see as necessary prerequisites. I know what has worked for me and others and it is contrary to what so many believe, but I voiced it without wavering. One said, “How did I get to be 55 and never hear this? If you were a preacher at a church, I would go to your church.” How did she get to be 55 and never hear it? Easy. She was not welcome in most churches to hear what I have heard, not invited to be genuine and simultaneously struggling, not unconditionally loved for exactly where she was because she is gay. I, however, being straight, can be genuine and struggle, and unconditionally loved while I get my act together. That process has taken over twenty years. Twenty years of consistently clinging onto God’s able hands. She, however, was indirectly told she had to change her same sex attraction before the deeper changes could happen. Valid? No. Look back to the verse above. I am to welcome and He is about the changing of what He wants to change.

I am filled with anecdotal stories and conversations from relationships I enjoy. I spend a lot of time listening to hearts, to lives. I want the same possibilities for others that I have benefitted from. But, if you hear over and again that you are not allowed to come near my God, that you are less than, how can you be open to welcoming His input? My buddy, Ryan, in D.C. is a gentle, sweet man who is beautiful inside and out. It has only been in this past year that he has started to understand that he can get intimately close to the same God-power that I can. He is gaining a new view of himself, one of great worth and it is changing his life and he is making good choices. He will become the man I see in my faith-eyes who will deserve an excellent partner who will adore him. I was in St. Louis recently for work and another dear gay man Henry played host to me several times and took me to his church Sunday morning, the St. Louis Metropolitan Community Church. I feel honored when I get to participate in those situations. It evokes a combination of awe and pain. It makes me cry. I stood with about three hundred mostly gay Christians and worshipped the God I worship in my home church, the same God some people say the gay community cannot have till they “straighten up.”

Intolerance can happen when I am so sure that I have it all figured out and that I must be right, but those opinions are from my history. My history. When I see other views and beliefs as evil, something has gone very wrong. It will often lead to abuses and, in the worst cases, genocide. So, here we are, in a new political atmosphere, in a new administration. Will you be kind enough to listen to the other side without anger and in fact, with kindness? And let’s slide into another venue . . . will you be kind enough to tolerate my people-group and let me believe the way I feel comfortable believing, the way that works for me? Will you allow me to think I am right? My hairdresser of twenty years is a devote Buddhist; I don’t think we have ever had a disagreement or said one hurtful or cutting thing to one another. Will you let the person of another color of skin speak and live the way that is comfortable to him? Will you treat a person who struggles with weight the same as an Athena? Bigotry has many flavors, but is has the same base, intolerance. It has absolutely hurt the gay community. I think all our Moms told us “tit-for-tat” is not in keeping with the most golden of rules. So, I try to react well when people attack me and want me to think as they do; they try to force me to see my error. They want to correct my thinking. But again, God is big enough to handle me too. The wonderful thing is: the more I exercise that patient listening skill, that deference to other possible ways, the better I get at it. Last anecdote, I have a lesbian friend locally who likes to introduce me this way; “This is Kathy Baldock. She is everything I hate in a person. She is heterosexual; she is a born-again Christian and a registered Republican. But, I love her”. Thank goodness she could see beyond all my “flaws” and has allowed herself to give me a chance; we have a wonderful friendship. I like the flow in and out of my life of diverse people; I learn so much. What are you missing out on in the spicing of your life with your own bigotries? We all have them; some of us are working on them. I grew up in a moderately bigoted home, my children did not. I can’t expect everyone else to change, but I can hope for myself that I have and will continue becoming more tolerant. My preacher said in a sermon that true tolerance can only be practiced by those who have well grounded convictions. I want my convictions to let you be who you are, and I hope it is mutual.

Kathy Baldock